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How should I traumatise my characters?

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Author Topic: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread  (Read 2426 times)

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Offline Phoenix

Re: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread
« Reply #20 on: November 13, 2019, 11:53:06 AM »
Only thing I spotted, was in Day 7..

All the time, as they blocked out any real sound, I stared straight into this girl’s eyes.

I...had no idea what you were saying here..  :wtf:



In answer to your questions on this thread, no the info dump wasn't to much to go through. If you really want to cut it back, maybe you could change the amount to include the botanist giving him a leaflet or something to flick through-and give your main a chance to read it later.

And no, that paragraph was fine. Just the first line (which I mentioned above) needs tweaking.

Otherwise, looking forward to more!

Offline newchinaren

Re: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread
« Reply #21 on: November 13, 2019, 09:11:46 PM »
Quote
“He DMed?  That’s a hard job.  Certainly harder for any DM of one of my campaigns.  I always seem to know where all the traps are.” 

Hah!  It's a thankless task sometimes, only made up by the opportunity to frack over some poor bastards character.  In cruel and unusual ways.   :muahaha:

Oh, nice addition.
Stories on Tome:

Apocolypto
The Other One

My Books: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/chinaren

Coming Eventually: The next level:  The Opus Path
 

Offline Bxtch

Re: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread
« Reply #22 on: November 13, 2019, 11:58:41 PM »
I really enjoyed reading this. The guild, so to speak, is very interesting concept. I look forward to seeing if he stays there. I'm also very intruiged to see what other quirks you come up with for other potential characters! (Yes a MHA reference  ;D)
 

Offline Saint

Day 13: 13 Nov
« Reply #23 on: November 14, 2019, 06:00:35 PM »
The remaining five minutes of the drive passed in silence.  I barely knew this girl, but I felt like I was in a silent fight with someone I’d been friends with for years.  We weren’t even fighting, but I’d offended her, or she’d offended me, or…  I have no idea, even in retrospect.  Suffice to say, neither of us were great socially, and maybe pairing us for this job wasn’t a great idea. 

After we finally found a space and paid for parking, we managed track down the security room easily enough.  The mall wasn’t huge, but it was still significant.  It was one long strip, on two levels, that cut through the shops of the city centre.  Most of the shops were the expected big name fronts, but there were one or two bargain stores, and even an unloved looking seasonal store called “Xcellent X-Mas.”  Yes, that’s exactly how it was spelt.  The security office was next to this, about as central as it could get on the ground floor.

There was a sense of panic in the air of this room.  It was a small office, two chairs, two computers, a kettle, a fridge, and a noticeboard that didn’t look like it had seen any use for a long time, going by the scuffed up dog-eared babes calendar from 1993 that was still pinned up on it.  The place looked more like two storage cupboards had had their connecting wall knocked through and some office equipment thrown in just so the security staff has somewhere to sit.  Typing away furiously in one of the chairs was a balding, slightly overweight man in a white shirt with a walkie-talkie on his hip.

“What the hell are you doing in here, get out, I’m busy,” he snapped at us.  “Can’t you see the security plaque on the door; go make out somewhere I don’t have to deal with you.”

Ciara completely froze up at this, and shrunk behind me a little.  I got the feeling she was about to  obey the guy too, until I stepped forward.

“We’re from the Thunder Institute.  You’re Tony?”

“That’s what the tag says,” he said, flicking a metal name tag pinned to his shirt.
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Saint

Re: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread
« Reply #24 on: November 14, 2019, 06:05:31 PM »
Hah!  It's a thankless task sometimes, only made up by the opportunity to frack over some poor bastards character.  In cruel and unusual ways.   :muahaha:

I recently started DMing when I realised DnD isn't a bunch of nerds pretending to fight monsters, but a bunch of nerds coming together to collaboratively tell a story.  I figured DM was the perfect job for me because of all the weird and wonderful ways I screw with my characters.   Transferable skills and whatnot. ;)

(Yes a MHA reference  ;D)

I'm going to pretend I know what you're talking about, and that the thing you're referring to was completely intentional!  But remind me, you know, for those playing along at home, what's MHA?
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Saint

Day 14: 14 Nov
« Reply #25 on: November 14, 2019, 08:04:14 PM »
“Shouldn’t you guys be in tights or something?”

“Do you pay extra if we do, perv?”  I asked.  ‘Rude’ ‘Showed him’ ‘shouldn’t have said that’ ‘he’s your client’ The voices provided a cold hindsight, sometimes, in full 20-20.  They were right, that was definitely the wrong call, but Ciara seemed to move forward a little my side.  Luckily, he seemed to take it in good humour, and scratched his neck as he apologised.

“Sorry, sorry, the guy on the phone said he’d send some plain-clothes superheroes and I’ve kind of been working on that joke all da- um, anyway, you’re here about the hoodlums, right?”

“We were told Tony would fill us in,” Ciara spoke up, looking him directly in the nametag.

“Oh, right, right, of course,” he said, and started rustling papers around on his desk.  Whatever he was looking for, he didn’t find, because he turned to us again and began speaking.  “There’s been a gang of kids in hoodies hitting the shops in the neighbouring towns, just rush in, smash and grab sort of deal.  The police are aware, obviously, and investigating, but we got a tip off that we were going to be the next target.  There’s a few cops around to support our security team because it’s… well, just me and Kyle, but I managed to convince the boss that some supers might be better, and, I guess, here you are.”  He finally stopped to take a breath.  I couldn’t be sure if he was new here, overworked, or if it was just stress from the impending threat, but some combination of the three had this guy ready to burst.

“Don’t worry,” Ciara told him, still adamantly avoiding his face.  “We’ll get right to work.  Are the officers in uniform?”

“Yeah, what are your powers?”  The last part burst out like an alien bursting out of his chest.  No doubt he’d been waiting for the perfect chance to casually slot that into the conversation and got bored waiting.  Ciara didn’t respond.  I looked up, unsure I wanted to either.

“I summon tentacles and speak to dead people.  She reads-”

“I read really quickly,” Ciara cut me off.

“That doesn’t seem lik-”

“I get that a lot,” Ciara laughed nervously.  “You ever read a book? Loooots of information in them.  I actually read one on the way here about youth gangs and effective tactics for stopping them.  Look, you have your hands full here, we’ll just head out and see what we can do, maybe speak with some of the officers.  We’ll let you know if we find anything.”  Without another word, she ushered me out of the office and shut the door behind her.

“What the hell was all that about?” I asked her, but she just grabbed my hand and pulled me into the shop opposite from the office, a bureau de change, and looked around to make sure no-one was paying attention.

“He’s in on it.  He was the tip-off.”

Off-Topic: show
That's probably the end of that chapter, depending on the length, and I still haven't edited the last one, so tomorrow will probably be all editing.
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Bxtch

Re: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread
« Reply #26 on: November 14, 2019, 09:10:08 PM »
I'm going to pretend I know what you're talking about, and that the thing you're referring to was completely intentional!  But remind me, you know, for those playing along at home, what's MHA?

It's My Hero Acadamia, an anime that focuses on teens with superpowers but they call them quirks. Also known as Boku No Hero.
 

Offline Saint

Re: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread
« Reply #27 on: November 14, 2019, 10:17:26 PM »
Ahhh, that's on my watch list, I've heard many good things.  :thumb:
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline newchinaren

Re: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread
« Reply #28 on: November 15, 2019, 04:39:20 PM »
Nice additions Saintly one.
Stories on Tome:

Apocolypto
The Other One

My Books: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/chinaren

Coming Eventually: The next level:  The Opus Path
 

Offline Saint

Day 15: 15 Nov
« Reply #29 on: November 15, 2019, 08:24:56 PM »
Today's something was the editing and compiling of Chapters Two and Three.  Only Two is up for now, but Three will come at some point.  My main focus in the editing was tweaking around the dialogue between Ciara and Darklight, so hopefully in the actual story thread, that whole conversation feels just as awkward, but more natural and believable.
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Saint

Day 16: 16 Nov
« Reply #30 on: November 17, 2019, 12:41:06 AM »
So that was it, job done, everything all wrapped up.  At least, that’s what we thought, as we walked out of the bureau de change.  We managed to track down the undercover officers easily enough, using the combination of ghostly awareness and mind-reading that I’m sure The Botanist expected us to use to identify the thugs.  He played dumb for a little bit, but after he realised we were the real deal, he pulled us aside, out of the public ear.

“I’ll definitely pass that on to my supervisor, but we can’t do anything just yet.  No offence,” he said, “but ‘he thought bad thoughts’ is unsurprisingly not enough excuse to arrest a guy.”

“So what do we do now?” I asked, to both Ciara and the officer.  “We were hired by him to stop any attacks, but if he’s behind them...”

“Well if you’re just in it for the money...” the cop said under his breath.

“Oh, I’m sorry, you’ll be donating your paycheque to charity then, I assume?”  I snarked back.  This shut him up.  “I meant if you can’t arrest him, then how do we stop this getting violent?”

“I don’t think he’s the ring leader,” Ciara added.  “He was the guy who tipped off the police.  He had his bosses hire us.  I could tell he was involved with the other smash and grabs; he couldn’t help thinking about it when he told us about them.  They wanted to target this place next, use his job as security here to their advantage, but he needs the job, so he’s hoping for us to catch them so he has an out.  All he’s thinking about, over and over again, is how he can convince his boss that his gangmates are lying when they get caught for this job and tell us he was in on it.”

“Well he’s not a problem,” said the officer.  “We can arrest him when we have the rest of the thugs in cuffs.  Thoughtcrime may not be admissable in court, but the written, signed statements of a whole gang who thinks he snitched certainly is.  The issue we’re facing is the gang themselves.  They’ve hit a few places already, and when they have, it’s been quick, chaotic, and unpredictable.  We have no idea when they’re striking, where they’re going to hit, or how many of them there are.  The only thing we can be sure of, if this guy really wants them caught, is that it’ll definitely be today.”

“We can scan the crowd,” I told the officer.  “Mindflayer can listen for thoughts, I can listen to the spirits.  We’ll let an officer know if we find anything.”
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Saint

Day 17: 17 Nov
« Reply #31 on: November 18, 2019, 12:00:19 AM »
[Note for editing, revisit that whole scene, maybe cut it.  Far too long for what it is.]

The day, for the most part, passed uneventfully.  We’d arrived mid-afternoon, but being a mall at Christmas it was open until late evening.  Ciara spent some time hovering around the security office, but the guard didn’t seem to know when they were being hit either.  Apparently the gang was some sort of Chinese Whispers situation.  A few people decided on a time and a place, text that to their friends who passed the message on.  Eventually the targetted shop becomes every man for themselves, and new looters show up each time, some getting added to the network, some taking advantage of the momentary chaos and making off with something expensive never to be seen again.  [Make this MO fit better with what was established in the last section.  Find some way to make this make sense...]

Off-Topic: show
The square brackets are notes to myself for editing.  I think this is starting to lose mementum pretty quickly, so I may skip ahead soon and revisit this firs job at a later date.  If anyone has any feedback on from when they arrive at the mall onwards, please be brutal, I want to nip this slump in the bud quickly or I'll never finish November with Something Every Day.
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Saint

Day 18: 18 Nov
« Reply #32 on: November 19, 2019, 05:06:20 PM »
It was late when we finally caught wind of them.  A few had filtered in, mingling among the crowds.  Throughout the day we’d met with each of the undercover officers – there were three in all – and they seemed to be of the impression that for a raid to go down this late, the looters would be mainly targetting the full tills rather than the stock.  A cursory probing of the early arrivers’ minds confirmed this.  Some had their eyes on TVs, jewellery, video games, but two in particular had their minds on the tills. 
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Saint

Re: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread
« Reply #33 on: November 19, 2019, 05:45:27 PM »
So I decided to skip the rest of this scene for now and write the scene after he gets back to the institute, but in outlining the synopsis for the scene, I found I had two different endings for the first job in mind, which may well be why I was having such trouble writing it.  In that respect, I'll drop a poll up with the two options.  I'll leave it open ended and collect the results when I'm ready to write the rest of the scene.

I've dropped the options in spoiler tags, on the unlikely event someone doesn't want to know until they read it.


Synopsis for the scene to be skipped.

-Ciara can’t fight, Darklight is on his own.

-Big chaotic scene

Option A – Dramatic Character Building
-Voices get overwhelming.

-Darklight loses control of his powers, tentacles start attacking everything

-Ciara reads Darklight’s mind to help him calm and control the voices and tentacles.

-Mob gets away, recurring villain?

-Devestated by the reactions and damage, Darklight heads to roof of mall to try once more, Ciara talks him down.

Option B – Big Triumphant Fight Scene
-Ciara pulls fire alarm to get civilians out.

-Darklight fights off looters, incapacitating some in small numbers.

-Too many people, Darklight stops fighting because he’s unable to distinguish civilians.

-Ciara reads his mind to communicate with the shadowy powers, able to direct them towards minds of looters.

-Looters incapacitated, civilians able to flee.  Scene ends with metal shutters closing and Ciara’s hands on Darklight’s temple, helping him maintain his hold.  [Kiss now too cheesy?]
« Last Edit: November 19, 2019, 05:47:13 PM by Saint »
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Saint

Day 19: 19 Nov
« Reply #34 on: November 20, 2019, 08:07:05 AM »
“You haven’t said a word.  Do you want to talk about what just happened?”  We’d pulled in to the institute now.  I doubt she could get much cohesively from reading my mind because right now even I didn’t know what I was thinking about.  I just wanted to lie down, that was all I knew for certain.

“We’ll talk when I can think,” I told her sombrely.  “Where do I go to get lodging here?”

“This late?  I’m pretty sure the Botanist is long asleep by now.”  The moon hung high in the sky, shining brightly on the cold and crisp air that even seeped through the car’s windows.  There were clouds filling in the dot-to-dot puzzles made up by the stars, [Bad metaphor, think of something else in editing] trailing wisps across the sky above.  “I could drop you back at your place?”  I don’t have a place.  “Or there’s a spare room across the hall from mine, I don’t think anyone would mind you crashing.”
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Saint

Day 20: 20 Nov
« Reply #35 on: November 21, 2019, 12:26:03 AM »
That sounded nice.  It had been a few weeks since I had a warm bed.  You’d think saving lives would be a rewarded and respected job, but surprisingly enough, it didn’t pay well.  I’d not paid my rent for a while, and landlords frown upon that.  For about two weeks, I’d been sleeping rough, and when you were stopping crimes by daylight and curling up in an abandoned construction site with a thin blanket by night, it really warps your perception of the world.

“Look, I don’t want to be the nosy intruder, but I can’t keep this to myself anymore.  Your thoughts are dark.  They’re not healthy, not at all,” Ciara said as we walked.  “You don’t have to tell me your story if you don’t want to, that’s your choice.  But please tell someone.”

“My life’s pretty fucked up.  Don’t worry, I know it gets better.”

“You don’t believe that and we both know it.”

A power play from the mind reader.  I wanted to be angry about that.  My thoughts are my thoughts and she’d promised to stay out.  Nothing came when I tried to snap at her though.  I just…  wasn’t mad about it.

“I want to.”

That was truthful.  Probably about as honest as any of my dark thoughts ever got.  I wanted to believe that life gets better, but here my life was, at every turn getting worse.

“Help is out there, Darkli-  No, what’s your real name?”  she looked straight at me again, those blue pupils piercing through my insecurities.

“Justin.  Justin Reinhart.”

“Justin, get help.”
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline newchinaren

Re: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread
« Reply #36 on: November 21, 2019, 05:31:30 PM »
Caught up Saint.  Sorry, RL been a bit busy lately, but I'm still hanging on!
Stories on Tome:

Apocolypto
The Other One

My Books: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/chinaren

Coming Eventually: The next level:  The Opus Path
 

Offline Saint

Day 21 : 21 Nov
« Reply #37 on: November 22, 2019, 12:10:01 AM »
“It’s nothing to worry yourself about,” I lied.  Of course she could tell, but I wanted at least the illusion of keeping some things to myself.  “My life is shit, my powers make me a target, and I can’t get a moment to myself.  No-one would care if I stopped breathing.”

“That’s not true.  Someone would care.”

“Oh yeah?” I snapped and turned, stopping dead in my tracks.  “My mom hated my very existence, but thank fuck she’s dead and I don’t have to deal with that shit anymore.  My dad hasn’t spoke to me since the funeral which I didn’t attend.  I had no friends at school, I’ve never had a job, and my only hobby is wandering these damn streets doing what I think I should be doing with these powers that I have.  Anyone I save gets the hell away from me as soon as they’re able, because the guy with the shadow tentacles is obviously going to flip and kill everyone one day.  Tell me one person in that whole scenario who’d give a shit.”

He face soured gradually through the speech, and her cloudy eyes grew bloodshot as she tried desperately to hold back something.

“You’re not going to magically get better.  Scars like that don’t heal overnight.  All I’m asking is that you find something.  You might think you’re worthless to the world, or that the world doesn’t want you any more, but can’t you think of something you did today that made someone’s life better?”

[Relevant response based on outcome of first job.]

“Well you met me.  You made my life better.  So that’s something.  You don’t just get a revelation that changes your view of the world.  But you can chose to see how you get better just a little bit every day.  If you can do something every day...” and she trailed off.
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Saint

Re: Something Every Day - Daily Tracking Thread
« Reply #38 on: November 22, 2019, 12:11:35 AM »
Caught up Saint.  Sorry, RL been a bit busy lately, but I'm still hanging on!

RLemlins suck.  To be honest, with me posting something every day, I'm surprised anyone's still reading; that's normally the way to scare people off.
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Saint

Day 22: 22 Nov
« Reply #39 on: November 23, 2019, 08:01:10 PM »
“You seem like this isn’t the first time you’ve given this speech.  Is this how you save people?  Bring up their deepest troubles and tell them it’ll all get better?”  I didn’t mean that to come out so venemous, but she recoiled at those words.

“No, it’s what my therapist tells me.”  Well there was a slice of humble pie.

“You mean you’ve tried?”

“No.  But my parents think I will, ever since my sister did.”  And so began one of our trademark awkward silences.  I feel like in a few hours I’d learned more about this girl than I’d learned about anyone else, ever.  Suddenly it made sense; I hadn’t exactly been discreet about my intentions, but she saw all the signs, and tried her best to help me.  Maybe that’s what I was missing in my life.  She loosened up a little after that thought.

“If I let you crash in the room opposite mine, can you promise me you’ll still be there in the morning?  I’ll try not to invade your thoughts anymore, but controlling this power is hard.”

“I promise.”  I don’t know what made me say it, but I do know that I meant it.

[Chapter break]

There are many great ways to wake up.  Birdsong.  The smell of fried breakfast.  Your lover beside you.  Explosions don’t make that list.

Panic welled up as I threw off the covers to the chattering and gasping of the voices.  The room was bare, and I’d slept in my clothes, so I darted quickly to the door.  The house was full of shouting and screaming that I didn’t have time to process yet, and I heard crashes from downstairs.  I immediately summoned a tendril in front of me, and was on my way to the stairs when Ciara walked out of her room in flannel Pjs, stretching and yawning calmly.

“Sorry, I should have warned you about the housemates.  You can put the spooky tentacle away, that was just Pyrex.”

“The jug?”

“See, I told him that name was stupid.  No, the super.”
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?