Author Topic: The Other One.  (Read 66 times)

Description: Prologue.

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Offline newchinaren

The Other One.
« on: June 02, 2019, 09:45:24 PM »
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  • Warning!  Adult content in this story.  Probably.



    “So boooring,” Mike said to himself, as he wandered down the chocolate aisle.  That was the problem with working night-shift at a re-fuelling station in the middle of nowhere. 

    The road outside had been devoid of any traffic for at least an hour, and he'd not had a customer for at least two.

    “Booring,” he repeated.  Then.  “Hello.”  A car had just pulled up outside.  A large, black, expensive SUV.  Not your run of the mill vehicle. 

    He scampered back behind the counter and waited, curious to see who the driver was.

    After about two minutes he frowned.  The doors remained firmly closed, and it hadn't moved.  He was considering going out to see if they realised the station was self service when, finally, someone stepped out.

    Mike's jaw dropped.

    The woman, and she was all woman, who exited the vehicle was drop dead, smoking super-model hot.  She was wearing a long black coat, cut off at the arms.  As she walked, it blew open slightly.  He wasn't totally sure, but it really looked like she wasn't wearing anything underneath.

    The doorbell rang as the goddess pushed the door open.

    “Hel...”  Mike's voice cracked. “Hello there,” he managed to finally get out.  “How can I service... be of service to you today... tonight.”

    The woman just smiled and played with her long blonde hair as she strode closer, her black, high heeled boots clicking on the tiles of the shop.  Mike swallowed.

    Finally she stood before him on the other side of the counter.  Slowly, and with the smile of the devil herself, she leaned forward, giving Mike a gobsmacking view down her top.

    She wasn't wearing anything underneath.

    “Hello,” she said.  Her voice was like the purr of a cat.

    “H...h...hi,” he managed to get out in reply.

    “Would you do me a favour?” she asked.


    “Open the register and give me all the money.”  She smiled widely.



    ”I... I'm sorry miss, I can't...” he stopped.  The woman had pulled a enormous gun from somewhere and was now pressing the barrel against his forehead.

    “Please?” she asked again.

    “S...sure.”  Mike, to his everlasting shame, pissed himself.

    “Go on then,” she said, pushing his head back with the gun.

    Urine leaking down his leg, Mike, hands trembling, moved over to the register.  He was just about to open it when he became aware of the reflection of a flashing blue light coming from outside.

    “Oh cunt.”  His customer snarled as she saw the cop car screech to a halt outside, disgorging police as it did so.  She whirled back to Mike.  “I didn't tell you to stop!”

    Mike gulped and pressed the button to open the till.

    “You, in the shop!”  The male voice shouted through a megaphone.  “Come out with...”

    What she should come out with was left unknown, as the woman opened fire, blasting away and shattering the glass at the front of the shop.  The coppers outside dived for cover, just as another two cars and a van pulled up.  Mike ducked down behind the counter and started to scuttle away, only for his progress to stop abruptly as something grabbed his leg.

    “You!  Where are you going?”

    Mike rolled over onto his back and looked up.  The woman's eyes were, terrifyingly, glowing a dull red, and her arms seem to have swelled, showing muscles a body builder would be proud of.  The coat seemed to be struggling to contain her.

    “Put down the gun and come out!” came another megaphoned warning from outside.

    “Come and get me copper” she shouted back, loosing off another volley of shots.  At the same time she pulled Mike along the floor, apparently with no effort.

    “Last chan...” the police officers' message was cut short by another fusillade.  The gun had to be some kind of semi-automatic weapon.

    This time a barrage of shots replied, blowing chunks out of the counter and the rear of the shop.  Mike covered his face with his arms and screamed like a bitch, but the woman, if that's what she was, simply threw back her head with maniacal laughter. 

    “Is that the best you've got pigs?” she screamed, as bullets slammed into the wall all around her.  “Here, try one of these!”  She pulled something out of her pocket, did something with it and threw it towards the massed police.

    There was a short lull in shooting, followed by a massive explosion. Mike, having already emptied his bladder, now voided his bowels, as his place of employment turned into a fiery scene from hell. 

    The woman howled with laughter again, barely audible now against the backdrop of explosions and screams from outside, and loosed off even more shots before turning her attention to the till, which had been blown open in the exchange.  She scooped up a handful of bills and turned her attention to Mike.  Reaching down, she pulled him up with one burly hand.

    Her face was now more demonic than beautiful.  Eyes glowed red, her hair was now black, and seemed to move around in a snake-like manner of its own accord.  As she opened her mouth, he saw her teeth had become sharpened spikes. 

    “Mummy!” he exclaimed as he was pulled close.

    “You,” she hissed, “you are cute.”  An impossibly long, narrow tongue slipped out of her mouth and, slowly, licked his face from chin to hairline. 

    As another giant explosion shook the ground beneath them, she smiled.  “I've enjoyed our date.  I think you'll be seeing me again.”

    So saying she leaned forward and kissed Mike.  Despite everything, the kiss literally took his breath  away.  A feeling of nirvana swept through his body.  His legs, already weak, gave way, and he would have collapsed had she not held him up. 

    Their encounter was interrupted by the arrival of more police. 

    “Later lover.”  Suddenly she was the super hot babe from before again.

    Then Mike was on the floor, unable to move despite the glow of flames getting closer.

    When he recovered enough to move the woman was gone.

    “She didn't even tell me her name,” he croaked, and passed out.


    So, this is kind of a prologue, and doesn't really have a suggestion phase in the traditional sense, but I'd like (feedback and) comments on what Mike does next.  How has this affected him?  Etc.

    The Original and best!

    Offline Angel

    Re: The Other One.
    « Reply #1 on: June 02, 2019, 11:32:59 PM »
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  • Well this is certainly a welcome arrival! There's a lot to like here. I get the sense that this is something that will stick with him. He's thinking about it constantly and potentially starts seeing this she-devil everywhere. Whether it's actually her or his traumatised mind, I suppose that that's up for interpretation.

    Enter Helena's world of light.

    Offline newchinaren

    Re: The Other One.
    « Reply #2 on: June 04, 2019, 06:17:38 PM »
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  • Mmm, food for thought.  Thanks Angey.  I've not written anything for the last few days as been a bit busy, but will add more soon.
    The Original and best!

    Offline newchinaren

    The Other One. Part II - Wake.
    « Reply #3 on: June 09, 2019, 03:56:02 PM »
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    • Mike woke up trembling.  This wasn't news to him of course.  It had been a week now, and people were only just beginning to leave him alone.  The cops, having lost the woman, had followed their standard protocol and arrested anyone nearby, regardless of evidence and circumstance.  Of course, that had meant Mike in this case, as he was the only civilian available.

      He'd been dragged, beaten, partly burned and bloody as he was, in handcuffs, to the station and subject to a barrage of questions from a series of angry coppers.

      Possibly because he was still stunned from the whole incident he'd simply refused to answer any questions at all, much to their growing anger.  If his brief hadn't turned up when she did, it was likely he'd have 'fallen down some stairs'.  As it was, he'd been advised to shut up, not a problem, whilst she had stern words with the authorities. 

      A short time later he'd been unceremoniously ejected from the station and allowed to wander home, a period of time he couldn't remember.  The ordeal wasn't over though.  The whole thing had been caught on the stores' CCTV, which was leaked online, and it had become an overnight sensation.  The woman was now number one on the wanted list of just about everyone, from the law to news stations to every single person on social media.

      Despite all the infamy, the woman remained at large.  The same couldn't be said for Mike though, and he'd had buy a new phone and crash at a friends', currently unused, bachelor pad.   He'd very quickly given up going online.

      Of course, the police had interviewed him several more times.  He'd stuck to his story, which was the truth, now backed up by the CCTV footage, and they'd eventually left him alone, though not before a series of very specific threats. 

      Several reporters had tracked him down as well, but he'd managed, with some difficulty to avoid them.

      So now he lay on his bed and quivered. Finally alone. 

      And despite everything, all he could think about was

    She'd destroyed his life, and his workplace, caused him a great deal of pain and suffering, and yet all he could think about was the kiss!  He had to see her again!  It was crazy he knew, but she was like a drug, and he was addicted, and addicted hard. 

    He made a decision.  Pulling himself up, he swung his legs over the side of the bed.  He would see her again.  He didn't know how, considering she'd vanished off the face of the earth - the cops had run into a dead end – no fingerprints, no trace from the weapons, nothing from the public - but he knew he would see her again.

    But where to start looking?

    So, obvious question here then, where does he start?  All suggestions, obvious and otherwise, welcome!

    Thank you for reading, and contributing.
    The Original and best!

    Offline NicTei

    Re: The Other One.
    « Reply #4 on: June 09, 2019, 08:40:36 PM »
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  • Hm, I'd say he starts looking at the seediest place he can think of, where shady people are likely to gather. Maybe a bar with a bad reputation in a part of town with a bad reputation? :shrug:


    Me Am Robot     |     Night Terrors     |     Sailing the Seven Skies     |     The Old Gods     |     Vagabond

    Offline newchinaren

    Re: The Other One.
    « Reply #5 on: June 14, 2019, 06:52:00 AM »
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  • This is exactly the sort of excellent suggestion you are renowned for* Nice! 

    I'll give it some more days before polling (I've had some suggestions from elsewhere too), plus been a bit busier than expected, plus my internet connection is arse.  I wrote the above chapter in Macs, where I am now actually.  Also I'm reviewing a story that I nearly finished before, having finally got hold of some of my old files. The Lord of All, anyone remember that one?

    *As well as all the other unspeakable things.
    The Original and best!

    Offline Angel

    Re: The Other One.
    « Reply #6 on: June 15, 2019, 03:10:39 PM »
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  • Oh yes i do remember that one!

    So i'm going to counter Nic's offering with this: he considers going to the seedy spots but thinks it's too obvious so he goes looking for places of purity and innocence that are showing signs of corruption and The Taint of Evil. Again, wether they actually are showing these signs it up for debate. Maybe he's just seeing shit where it ain't.

    Enter Helena's world of light.