Tilt

[Bxtch]

Hello all, this is the start of a little project. I'll be posting on here in parts, some may be short, some long. At the moment it seems like it doesn't belong here but future entries will be touching on aspects of life such as drug abuse, self harm, sex and other potentially adult themes.

I hope you enjoy and as ever I am open to advice.

P.s I just writ this in onenote on my phone so if you see any spelling/ grammar mistakes let me know (:




She lay back on the dewy grass and looked up to the fading stars. The cold drops on the grass tickled at her skin as her body relaxed into the ground.  She twirled long blades around her fingers, teasing the grass.

 Her eyes stayed fixated on the stars, dry and weak she couldn't focus. She couldn't even blink. The earth beneath her seemed to shift. "I'm falling" she whispered into the breeze.

Her hands held onto the grass the best they could as the faded stars above her started to dance. "Catch me" another gentle whisper crept from her lips. She could feel herself sliding down the grass as the ground moved slowly.

After a long minute her eyelids clasped together. A sting of dry pain made her eyes feel like they were burning, soon after the moisture from her eyelids consumed the flames she felt. The pain was just, gone.

On this field everything seemed to freeze whenever she moved, or thought deeply. As her eyes were adjusting the ground was still. She knew, as soon as she stopped focusing on how her eyes felt, the ground would begin tilting once more.

"You're not thinking hard enough" The back of her mind enjoyed commenting.
"Either you move or the world moves".

[Saint]

Some good images in this piece.  I enjoyed this little teaser and will definitely hang around for the rest. 

[Phoenix]

She knew, as soon as she stopped focusing on how her eyes felt, the ground continue tilting once more.

This doesn't sound quite right, maybe add 'would' here?
She knew, as soon as she stopped focusing on how her eyes felt, the ground would continue tilting once more.

Otherwise, a very interesting start! Really interested to find out how this develops. 

[Bxtch]

Thank you for spotting that! I knew there would be some errors somewhere 

[Phoenix]

Ah, we've all been there don't worry.
Half of my stories have so many errors it's hard to count. 

Glad I could help. 

[Bxtch]

Desperate thoughts cascaded around her mind. People she loved faded in and out of focus and people she didn't hung around like a dull drone.

Her hands moved through the grass again as her thoughts secured her to the ground once more.

Everything mixed, in one moment she was edging closer to her first kiss, in another her first hit. This was powerful.

Her eyes opened and stared up at the stars, floods of memories were being sifted away, delicately falling as though they were grains of icing sugar being sprinkled on pastry.

As ever, there are clumps left behind, pieces too hard to break down and filter through the sieve.

She was in that Field again, looking up at the same stars she basks under now. A heavy warm breeze tickled her legs and made her whole body shiver in rebelion.
A vague feeling of a hoodie was draped over her shoulders as she sat up away from the damp blades.

"Thank you" she whispered bashfully. She couldn't look at who had aided her.

"One day we will see the sunrise here" a voice, long locked away in her memory circled around her.

She took a deep breath in, the smell of cigarettes hit her first, then that aftershave.

"I can't do this" she shouted at the real stars.
A blink and it was gone, the smell, the hoodie, the voice disappeared.

She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest and cradled them. The world was spinning again, her only solice was the smell of fresh blood on her knees which she drew her face towards.

Seven gashes lay over her two knees; the deepest one was accidental. If you can class drawing metal across your skin as a test to see how sharp it is can be considered an accident. The others were small.

The metallic smell drew more memories out, unlocked them.

"I get what I need from the small ones".

[Saint]

Oh my, is that a new entry I see?  We've been lacking these lately so your content is definitely appreciated.  I like the character building we're seeing here, and very much look forward to experiencing the world you put her in and how she faces challenges.

[Bxtch]

Thank you for your support! I am really enjoying writing this when I manage the time 

[Bxtch]

Another phone entry, so please, any grammar or spelling mistakes point out. Enjoy.

Huddled over her knees she closed her eyes and took another deep breath in.
When they opened she was on her bed, it was adorned with her favourite bed sheet; a bright spring yellow with a crisp feel that made getting into bed all the more easier. The warmness of her bed faded as she felt herself gasping for air. Warm droplets fell from her cheeks leaving behind a cold trail across her pale soft cheeks. Everything intensified.
Every tear drop that fell seemed to quicken her breathing and before long her vision was blurring. There were no thoughts in her head, just a sense of panic. Her cold hands were on auto pilot as they fumbled around on the bookshelf beside her bed. From behind a book she pulled out a disposable razor. She couldn't name the book, she couldn't see a thing around her, only the pink razor that seemed to shine in her hand.

Quickly and nimbly she broke the razor down. There was a knack to it; you had to break the head off first. On the back of the head there were little plastic pins that anchored the metal in place. After they were removed the rest fell apart. Blades fell into her hands, her breath still didn't settle. She picked one and let the others fall loosely onto the yellow sheet.
Her hands glistened with sweat.

She placed the blade carefully between her thumb and forefinger, they moved down to her thigh. The whole ordeal was over in seconds, blood sparkled up at her and she took a deep breath. The room around her came back into focus.
Normality crept back in.

She glanced around the old familiar room again but her heart sank when she saw the doorway, of course the door was wide open. Luckily for her everyone was downstairs and the tell tale creak, that plagued only four of the steps on the staircase, had been silent. She shot up, dropping the blade on the bed and ignoring her pain and shut the door. It was only now that she realised the gravity of her injury.

Something tickled her thigh, just above her knee, and it was there. She held her hands to her face when she saw it and tried to stifle a scream. “No, I can always cover them, I’ve always been able to hide them. Can I say it was a cat? Is it too long for someone to immediately think of self harm?”.

She composed herself quickly and sat back on the bed, grabbing the box of tissues on her night stand and the skin tape from the top drawer on her way.
Carefully she dabbed a tissue at the top of the cut, slowly and methodically she worked her way down her cut replacing tissues as necessary. After around 20 long centimetres she reached the end. Now came the patching up; it was a simple method, just cover the cut in tissue and tape the edges.

Good as new.

[Saint]

Keep them coming.

By the way I din't spot any spelling mistakes so either you're good at catching them on your phone or your autocorrect is.   Or I'm bad at catching them.

[Bxtch]

Wow, it's been a while. Only a short one for now.

She dragged her soul from the room, back to the field. Her knuckles had turned white from where she was grabbing hard on her thigh. "It's healed, it's covered. No one will ever know its there".

After a moment of realising her surroundings again she stumbled to her feet. As she stood upright and straightened her spine the world began to spin undernearth her. "Just walk. You've walked home in worse states than this".

Her hands dove into her jacket pocket and retrieved a pack of cigarettes and the trusty lighter. She pulled her shaking hand with the lighter in to her lips and kissed it. Cold metal bit her lips. "I hate you" she whispered. As she pulled the lighter away she read the engraving, again. "20-4-14". The cigarette was soon out the packet and in her mouth, one swift flick of the lighter and a drag later and it was lit.

"I fucking hate you." The lighter was on the floor, then before she knew it, it under her foot. "Fuck this date. Fuck this lighter". She was now in a blind rage stamping on the seemingly indestructable lighter.

The cigarette had been smoked before she realised. Her lighter was aggresively dented on the floor. She swooped back into her pocket and pulled out a cheap lighter and another cigarette. "You're fucking replacable" she muttered with the fresh cigarette between her lips.

"But the scars are always there."

[newchinaren]

Heavy man.   

Keep it coming.

[Bxtch]

There's always more to come.



The walk was long and cold. She never noticed, the alcohol made it seem like a breezy sunny stroll.

She stopped outside the house she had always known as home. "There you are. Porch light on. The sign of trouble."

She fumbled with her keys by the front door for a few minutes, trying to find the key hole, attempting to turn the key with her hands shaking. She felt a force swing the door open the other side. Still holding onto the key in the latch she was greeted by her mother and the tell tale "It's late" sign that was the alcohol on her breath.

"He's here, waiting for you." The woman stepped aside to let her in and whispered. "Do you want me to wait up?"

Her heart fluttered as she heard it.
He's here, for you. You can fix this.

"No, Mom, go to bed. You shouldn't have waited up for me. I'll be okay"

Reluclant the woman walked out the porch and turned the light off. "Right, I'm going up. See you in the morning" She smiled lovingly at the man waiting in the sitting room.

After Mom had gone far enough up the stairs, she came out from the shadows the face the man.

"Why are you here?"

He said nothing yet, just walked to the kitchen silently. He stood for a while, thinking, plotting. Finally he spoke. "So, are you fucking him?"

She sat in her seat on the settee, in view of the kitchen, and lit one of her mother's cigarettes.

She spoke clamly, not taking her eyes off him. "No, but we're not together anymore so why's it matter? Were you fucking her, while we were together?"

He laughed and started opening kitchen drawers, looking for something. "Come in here, let's talk properly."

"I'm fine right here thanks." She puffed on her cigarette. "You've lived here for two years and you don't know where anything is."
She took note of all the drawers he checked. She knew what he was looking for.
"Top drawer on your left."

"Come here." His grin widened as he opened the drawer she suggested. He pulled out the most dangerous looking knife he could see.

"That one's blunt. Try the black handle, with the left middle screw missing." She did not want to play games.

He picked it and held it up. "Let's talk. Face to face."

Something drew her. She knew he couldn't do it. He had no guts, as much as he pretended to be tough. He couldn't weild a knife. She walked to the man in the kitchen. She felt suddenly sober.

"So, what now? Are you going to stab me?"

She knew his next move before him. He grabbed her and spun her, forcefully backing her into the other door which was behind him. She let him. He said nothing.

"If you're going to stab me atleast hold the knife properly." She hissed in his face which was slowly moving towards her own.

"One last time." He released her arm and grabbed her face. He tried to press a kiss onto her.

"No. More. Last. Times." There was no fear left in her body. She stared him straight in the face as his lips pressed against her unmoving mouth.

He had never been regected. He started to become defensive. The knife that was momentarily out of sight raised to her neck. His nose still pressed against hers, his face still smiling.

The cold metal felt familiar on herskin. She laughed, manically. "If you're going to rape me just fucking do it."
She didn't think, she couldn't. She knew she was mentally stronger than him. She knew the rejection would break him down.
   
She spat, there was no way she could miss his face this close range.
   
He dropped the knife in anger and quickly pulled both her arms above her head. "I could fuck you right now and no one would know."  He manouvered his hands so only one was holding both her wrists together. She let him.
   
He started to raised his free hand to her mouth.
   
She looked him dead in the eye and flashed him a smirk.
"No. You couldn't. You're too fucking weak."

[newchinaren]

   Good stuff, very well done Biaxtch! 

[Bxtch]

Thank you for the support 

[Saint]

Oooooh, getting darker.  We like a good dark'un, we does.

One peeve:

You shouldn't of waited up

shouldn't have

Other than that I look forward to the next instalment.

[Bxtch]

Thank you! I didn't even notice that one.

[Phoenix]

So many questions! ... Who is he? How old is he? How are they related to each other? Ooh, I'm intrigued! Keep it coming Bxtch, sorry it's taken a while to catch up.

Haven't spotted any errors as far as I can see, hope the next entry isn't to far off! 

[Bxtch]

These stories have now sadly come to an end. These few little stories are snippets of my life. They are all real accounts, though the weaving together of them are dramatasized for story development.

I writ them as a method to get over them. There are a lot more stories from this little saga hiding away in my head but I am complacent in moving on from this part of my life. I would like to thank everyone who has silently read and everyone who has given me support in my writings.

Although I wish I could carry on writing this story I just feel as though I don't need to relive these moments now.

I am at peace with this part of my life. I will be writing more fiction when I have time and ideas though!

Thank you again.
 

[Saint]

That seems like a very healthy mindset to have, Bxtch.  Glad you've managed to fight off your demons in your own way.  Does this mean your writing will be happier from now on?  If so I half-sarcastically look forward Tilt II: The Magical Rainbow Unicorn.