Author Topic: Not so short story (collection)  (Read 2507 times)

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Offline Phoenix

Not so short story (collection)
« on: March 23, 2015, 12:59:19 AM »
Here are a few of my short stories, ranging from happy to confusing. I'll let you make your own opinions of which is which.  :)



Contents

Kiss
Brave Face
A world without emotion
Stars
Last words of a dying man
Sorry
My nightmare returns
Can you hear me?
I wish I could.
I...
« Last Edit: January 25, 2019, 11:29:52 AM by Phoenix »


 

Offline Phoenix

Kiss
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2015, 01:03:18 AM »
   I can remember that day like it just happened, I know it's cliché but to me that's the best way to describe it. The only way to describe it.
   I'm not sure who started it off first to be honest with you, but I guess now after all this time it doesn't matter. All that does is that we're together, the two of us. Probably the most unlikely couple on the planet, but that's what my history did to us.
   You could say it was both of our pasts that led us to where we ended up, but in truth it wasn't like that at all. Granted, he had the choice of what came, but my choices were far more centred on surviving. And even now, after all these years, it still does.
   See, now you don't believe me. I'm rambling on so much if I took a guess, I would say you wouldn't. Trust is earned, seen, heard and most of all, lived.

   I can tell I haven't made the most interesting, exciting or gripping of entrances. And I'm sorry, but that's how my mind works I guess. My world is a complex, twisted and confusing one to delve into. You'll see why when I tell you the one thing I've tried so hard to forget.
   The only problem is, I know full well that I can't. It's made me who I am, what I am. And it's for this purpose I strongly advise you to hold onto whatever you're sitting on, or at least leaning against with a brave heart. After all, that's what I've learned to do.

   Rewinding on the events that made me challenge who I was, I can see all the times I've broken down. The sorrow is still evident in my eyes today. I hold a history of death, betrayal amongst other things you will need to read before you can begin to swallow.
   The lessons learned through me are not ones you will want to remember, but at the same time, you'll have no other choice but to. So, before I confuse you any more. I begin the short tale, the one that has driven me to who I am today.

   The first thing I can picture from one particular day was the gentle heat from my bedroom window. Back then it was one of only a few things that would make me smile. After where I'd been before anything was better than the cold. I took everything for granted, everyone for granted. But now the only thing I was thinking was making the best of the situation I had.
   Even now I can feel the warmth spreading through me when I remember this special occasion. It's so easy to get lost in the moment, and it often leaves me breathless even now.
   I open my eyes just as he softly knocks on my door, and painfully turn on my side to watch as he turns the doorknob and walks through slowly. The sun's rays behind him almost made him seem angelic. He copied my smile, however his turned shy the moment he realised I was still in bed. I only shrugged in response, there was nothing I could do to hide the fact and at the time it wasn't important.
   Gingerly, I motioned for him to come over to my side. He did this yawning slightly, his face transformed and elongated in an instant. I smiled a little more and shifted on the bed so he could lie with me.

   At first, he was weary of doing so. Not really sure how what to do. But after only a few moments of indecision he was being the protective boyfriend I'd know known him to be. He lay beside me carefully so that he wouldn't knock my healing bruises. They were part of a past that had already turned me into something I never thought I'd become, but it was over now.
   Ever since I left, everything had changed. Everything was different.
   He turned to gaze onto my face, a welcoming set of eyes locked onto my own. He smiled, then shifted. Raising his left arm a little, I let him slide it under my head. And just like that we were pulled closer together.
   For a while I was happy listening to his heartbeat through his t-shirt, it was calming and we were alone. But after a certain, indistinguishable amount of time, I found I wanted a little more. My heart longed for the one thing I wasn't sure if he was ready to give.

   A few more minutes passed before I had the courage to look at him again, not sure how to go about asking if it was okay. However, he he lifted my head further with his right hand before I had time to react. I was now staring into his eyes once more, no words were spoken. They were meaningless, unimportant. Not when he could read me almost like a book.
   He smiled awkwardly and started gently moving my chin closer to his face. He knew me better then I realised back then, so much so he could tell what I wanted just by looking at me. And yet the only thing I could do was gingerly bite my lip.
   I didn't want to rush the moment, I stayed quiet and let him guide me. If he wanted the same thing as me then there was no turning back, it would be the both of us together. And yet, the seconds that came between what he was leading me to seemed to go on forever. He was nervous, I could tell because the closer we got the tighter he squeezed my back. His breathing was becoming irregular too, uneasy and slightly deeper.
   And just for a moment I began to dread if he was only doing it for me. If the reason he was going along with it was because he wanted to keep me happy.
   The doubts didn't last long, he may have let go of my chin then, but his smile was as big as ever. And after taking a few deep, long breaths, he returned his hand to where they had been. The cold space quickly warmed by the sense of his touch.

   I realised then that he did want it, that he had only been nervous about how to go about it. And then, I blocked everything out from me again. I was edging closer to his face, just a little faster then before. Nothing could ruin this, make it out to be something it wasn't. Because nothing else mattered.

   And just when I thought I couldn't take the anticipation much longer, I felt his breath on my cheek. The warm quickly going cold as he breathed in and out. It tickled, but I fought the urge to scratch or move away.
   After a few seconds I realised something, he was going slower again. So I started a pattern, one that made him relax a little though I have no idea why.
   When he breathed in, I delved a little closer. As he exhaled, I stopped. We were only a few centimetres from each others face when I took the final plunge, the one that landed the kiss. Our first kiss. The one that no one could take away.
   Our lips met with a shower of relief, things were only going to get easier now. At least that much was true.

Offline Phoenix

Brave Face
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2015, 01:16:03 AM »
   Be brave, be confident, strong and optimistic. Happiness can rule through your heart once more, all you have to do is let it.
This is what you dreamed, what you prayed would take you away. Another chance, a breath of life that you thought you'd lost. They thought you'd crash, burn and take away all the hope that you tried to show.  They didn't believe you could do it.
   It's down to you, down to you to prove them wrong. What else can you lose? The power to speak up? You lost that years ago when you let them take over.

   Now it's your turn, it's your turn to fight. You can let the barriers down for the first time in your life long enough to realise that this is one war they won't win. They can try and catch you, they can try and grab your dreams before you realise it's too late but you know you'll fight down each moving target. This is your world now, one you never thought you'd see.
   Fly, cry and embrace the fresh cold air. Giving you the wake up start you have long since needed. The pick-me-up that they denied you has now been passed. That new revelation has found itself inside your head. All you have to do is listen.

   Breathe, smile, laugh and dance. This is it, this is that time you never thought you'd have. A time where everyone listens to you not the other way around.
   Singing in the rain to hide your tears no longer seems necessary, you're not sad any longer.

   The defiance you're facing may not last but right now that doesn't matter. In your world nothing bad can happen, you know you'll find a way of fixing it if it gets too bad.
   All this time you've needed to break free, and now you can.

Offline Phoenix

A world without emotion.
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2015, 11:42:13 PM »
Last year I was going through some really rough patches, and to be honest I wasn't thinking straight for a while. This is the most honest short story I've written for a while, and it may not make sense but it took a lot for me to write it. Both emotionally and mentally. All I ask is that you keep your mind open as you read it.




   It's getting harder and harder trying to pretend that everything is normal and nothing is bothering me. Time after time I sit with my eyes closed, trying to remember what it was like before but all I can see is this. It's not simple, it's not complicated but it's my life. A muddle and concoction of various emotions and memories all tied and sewn together like a giant jigsaw puzzle.
   Every time I try and remember something good, like a nightmare, it slowly warps in front of my eyes. Leaving me scared to see the result, unable to accept the new reality where everything is now so much more confusing than I had first thought.

   I've tried looking at old photographs, hoping that they will spark a good memory but every single time I look at one all I can think about is how much it has all changed and how it wasn't like this the last time I had seen them.
   I've tried carrying on like nothing happened, but it doesn't last long. In my head I start becoming paranoid that people know something is different, so I hide my face because I don't want them to see.

   You see, it's hard to explain what's going on without giving the wrong impression. At the moment not many people know my secret, it's one I'm probably going to hide from even the closest of my friends until I can figure out just what exactly is going on in my mind. Even if I explain myself as fully as I can, I know there will be some people who still can't understand.


*

   I've been battling in a war of emotions for a while now, and no matter how hard I try it doesn't make sense to me how I've reacted to it all. There's still so much to sort out in my head, and it seems strange to me that I've only started to notice how I've coped so far.
   The days are turning into one big mess, a blur of trying to keep myself busy on projects and tasks I would usually enjoy but now I can't seem to face any longer. I mull over activity after activity, but ultimately decide against starting anything; drawing, painting, reading, eating. It all just feels like a waste of time, a waste of energy when I could be doing something more constructive.
   I know, it sounds so silly when the other things I could do I don't enjoy or aren't as productive as what I thought I enjoyed. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm not thinking straight that's keeping me from wanting to do anything other than sitting here with my eyes closed.


*

   I'm trying to act as if nothing is bothering me, mostly because at the moment this is still a hidden, dark secret I'm trying hard to hide. Something that not many will understand or fully realise what I'm going through.
   I love drawing, I love the feel of being able to create something completely unique and detailed in a world with so much chaos. I create characters in my head, with no other purpose but to allow me to get better. Most of them have smiles, a complete contrast to the person drawing them.
   I draw with accuracy; the hair lines, faces, clothes and body positions. Greeting, welcoming gestures and expressions that only show a façade of lies.

   I love painting and the feel of being able to control something, a medium where you can easily paint over mistakes and effectively erase them from existence by covering the patches you wish no one to see. Most of all, I love the fact of just being able to concentrate on something for long periods of time, and being able to complete something so perfect and personal.

   And I love to read, to be able to completely escape the real world into one of pure fantasy, to use the lifeline of words strung together like musical notes to sink and relax into a completely different world. Where the normal rules and guidelines no longer apply.
   I love the characters, their personalities and the bravery of the author who has finished something that took so long to complete. And to have it immortalised in ink and sold to anyone who wishes to read it.

   As for eating, that is something that we all need to do to survive. Although nowadays it seems like a pointless chore, and a task that I would rather forget all about. I'm counting days to no particular event. Hoping that the next will be better and easier to understand, and hoping that I will gain the strength to finish a meal without stopping half way through it.

   Instead I look at various things in the room; movies, games and everything else, and I shake my head. There's nothing I want to do, and so ultimately I end up doing the same as before. Time after time I try and make myself more active but I just can't face it. And I somehow know, at the moment, it doesn't matter how hard I try. It will always be the same outcome.


*

I could try and pinpoint where my emotions rolled into one, but there's so much more to the situation then what first appearances let on. A history of memories, both good and bad are linked in together. Separating the two would be impossible, and would likely result in a far more complicated situation.
   The problem is, although around friends I seem like I’m okay, it’s not as easy keeping the mask off when you’re alone. Trying to piece your mind together whilst trying to understand exactly what is going on is frustrating and confusing, there are so many emotions and thoughts floating around it’s almost as if they’re taunting you.


*

   In my head I wish my thoughts would sort themselves out, and explain to me why. Why I reacted that way, what difference would it make and why am I still having trouble trying to sort my emotions out so I can read them easier.
   There’s been so much hate here, so much love, and yet I still can't understand it. In my life I've been so scared and upset, living in fear of someone close. I've lived happy and worry free, and laughing with friends over treasured memories. And I've lived in hope where I've struggled to survive, and relied on others to bail me out of an awkward situation. But now, with all the flaws and insecurities, I am surprised to see how little emotion there is. It all appears fake, like the world never really cared at all.


*

   There is so much more to this story than first meets the eye. A tale of trust, love and a battle for power over a situation that no one is willing to accept. A time for change and war, where the end is no where in sight.
   Each aspect is so beautiful, meaningful and delicate. With the faintest touch, the slightest alteration, the whole out look can change. Shattering words, hidden thoughts and feelings into so many tiny pieces.
   It rode on so much, the reaction was so confusing. With shaking hands I reached out to a future I wasn't sure I wanted to live or be apart of any longer. There was so much loss in my life, so much heartbreak and acceptance already. Did I really want to hold another damaged part of my life on my shoulders?
   I don't understand why, why I'm so confused and defensive. It was never supposed to be this way, I pictured my life so different. Where I would live happy, but that all changed. The open spaces I pictured characters in, and a retreat I created for myself felt like a shadow had spread throughout. Suffocating weeds and thorns spread everywhere I could see, damaging the beauty I had grown to love.
   The darkness was never ending, whenever I tried to cut back and salvage what I could it grew back stronger and more menacing. I felt like I was trapped, living in a never ending cycle of trying to accept the change and trying to save what I could. To try and keep a part of the past alive, and to keep it safe.


*

   It was strange to be in a place where I couldn't control what happened in my life, the sanctuary I built up for so many years looks like a baron wasteland with no life living amongst it at all. The fleeting chances of escape dwindled like the remains of a once radiant fire. Crackling life every few seconds; teasing me, tempting me to look closer. Only to be extinguished moments later, leaving only ash and the smell of smoke in it's place.
   Another chance, another time wasted whilst waiting for a release that would never come.

   Can you see what I am trying to explain? Why I'm having so much difficulty trying to tell you what is going on?
   I think it's down to the fact that part of me wants to pretend it doesn't exist, that if I don't see it or know anything about it, that it will just be the same as it was before. I know it's immature and silly, and it won't solve anything but denial at times seems to be the only way I'm even managing to get through each day.
   I can't understand why it changed, why it had to be so different. So unfamiliar, scary and petrifying. And I think the thing that's scaring me most of all is I know it will never go back to the way it was before, because this change is permanent. My life will never be the same again.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2015, 11:46:37 PM by Phoenix »
 

Offline HelenNightengale

Re: Not so short story (collection)
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2015, 01:32:47 AM »
I really liked how open you were with this. I like the way you've split it up as well. You talk about chaos and I think the way the passages are done somewhat reflect that. Like, they flow but at the same time they don't. If that makes any form of sense.

I realise this was based on real life for you, and can only imagine how hard this must've been to write.
Hope things are better for you now. :Floatinghearts:
I love how there is still the option for an MSN address...
 

Offline Angel

Re: Not so short story (collection)
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2015, 08:59:16 AM »
I agree with everything HN said. Thank you for sharing these with us.  :Floatinghearts:

Enter Helena's world of light.
 :onfire:
 

Offline Phoenix

Stars
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2015, 01:14:47 AM »
Off-Topic: show
This is one of my old ones, and the grammar isn't too great. I may update it though,  :shrug: we'll see.




   [“When you look into the night sky, most of it is filled with little dots. Stars; peaceful, quiet and yet constant. Even if you can't see them you know they're still there somewhere out there. You wouldn't think to imagine what would happen if we could touch the lights that are so far away in an instant. Just imag-”]

   'Stop reading, stop reading and concentrate on everything around you for once. Even if you've relived the tale a million times nothing will change, nothing will alter and Emily won't come back.'

   Snapping back to reality I quickly realise where I'm going, the place where it all started out: Kerbs Avenue. Once a lively street with friendly neighbours, it's now become a derelict ghost graveyard of what was once the pride of joy in this town. Deserted, neglected and forgotten, its shrine is clear for the lost souls. The memories of ten years before still linger on even today, forever haunting me in my dreams, when I'm awake and constantly in my thoughts. There's no escaping it, there's no sanctuary.

   What caused this town to change, was something so drastic many people didn't realise anything had happened until it was too late to stop it. Many tried protesting but they never got far. Many lives were lost, and although I wasn't there to witness all of it I can still hear the screams, the shouts, pleas for help that never came. Even now I still live with all these throughout the years that have passed.

   Why wasn't I there to see the horrors everyday? I was in custody. And the reason why that was, was the same reason all hell had broken lose. I'd caused two people to die. I'm no murderer though, don't get me wrong. In reality, it was the person who sold me the run down car in the first place, telling me over and over it was in good condition and nothing would go wrong. He said it so many times I had to believe him.
   I came back here to put the memories at rest, but now I'm here I doubt they'll ever quieten down. I wasn't drunk at the time or so drugged up I was on a different planet. I was sober, and sensible. No one other than my family believed me though, that's where it all changed.

   As I finally arrive at the tree I hit all those years ago, the years re-wind in front of me. White light clouds buildings as they grow younger, others are pulled down and rebuilt how they were before. Even the cars start to change, and slowly but surely I can see the town change back to the way it was. In a strange way, it's eerie, but it hurts all the same because I know I can't do anything to change the past. No matter how hard I try.
   Then, the white fades and I have a few seconds to re-adjust myself. After that, I see the car, my car driving along the road I'm standing next to. Emily's in the front next to me on the passenger side and in the back are two of my closest friends, Sam and Luke. I see the whole thing re-wound from outside the car. And even from here I can tell it wasn't me who caused the crash. I knew that in some way all along, but I found I needed to see it from a different perspective before I actually believed it.
   Laughter fills the streets quickly, echoing in my mind and memories as they're relived before my very eyes. Nothing in my mind was ever this simple before, relive the past and hope that some form of closure will make it easier? There had to be a catch, surely?

   Tears quickly form behind my eyes, haunting me and reminding me at the same time that nothing can be changed now. However hard I want it to change, however much I need it to change it never will.
   As soon as the first tear fell to my cold cheeks, I saw the warning signs that Sam pointed out could cause the accident he'd predicted would happen. All four of us were laughing though, and at the age where most things weren't important to us. Only Sam was taking it a little more seriously then the others. He was smiling but it was a fake smile, I could see it now but not then.
   As the laughter faded, Sam said once more emphasised his point about the steam coming from the front of the wind shield but it was only the third time that I gave in and pulled over. That, was when it all went so wrong.

    Luke and Sam were arguing in the back passenger seats, to help calm them down Emily turned around. However, she saw what was going on and turned to me demanding I pull over.
   Strange to think that because it was her I gave in. Even now I can't figure out how I managed to loose control of the car, even watching it from where I was now standing I couldn't see anything to suggest why. Death, it seemed was against me that day though, and even through the shouting and screaming coming from everyone in the car, even me, I inevitably knew what was going to happen.
   The tree came into view only five seconds after I lost control, frantically I tried swerving the wheels away from it but it only seemed to be getting nearer instead. My eyes pinned wide open then, I was completely helpless. Everyone was crying out, but although they had seat belts on nothing could change the fact that Luke and Emily were on the side where the tree was. I looked to Emily then, tears were freely flowing from her eyes searching my face for some reassuring expression. I gave none, I couldn't give any. Why? Because I knew somehow that she wasn't going to survive.

   Looking from the outside in, I see the whole thing in slow motion. Ironic really, I didn't want to see their faces in shock. Everyone looked so fearful, and everyone crying. As soon as the car hit the tree though, everything stopped. I collapsed on the floor crying, so dissolved in my own world I forgot where I was. I don't know how forgot really, but as soon as I'd let the tears roll down my cheeks onto my arms I realised one thing.
   It wasn't my fault.

   The last tear fell silently, my cheeks were reddened and my eyes bloodshot and puffy but I managed to somehow pick myself up from the ground and walk over to the car. I found my legs shook as I walked over, the damp grass made a patch on my knees but I knew I had to see this through.
   Sure enough, time speeds up slowly as I walk closer to the car hissing slightly in the night. As soon as I reach it, I manage to merge into the younger me and turn to Emily.
   “Look, the stars are out.” Emily breathed so weakly, I had to strain myself to hear her but after that I leaned in closer instead. “Don't forget me will you?”
   “How could I forget you?” I let the tears fall from my eyes once more, “You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I don't know what I'm going to do without you.”
   “Be brave, you always have been. Nothing will change that, no matter what you think.” She paused and looked up to the night sky once more, “Stars are so quiet aren't they? So peaceful,”
   “Yes,” I 'bravely' looked to the night sky too, “but they aren't always there.”
   “That's a lie,” She said smiling slightly, “You can't see them but they're just hidden. Playing a game with us, like I did for you.”
   “But I wasn't always there for you, I-”
   “You were, just knowing you were out there somewhere helped me. I thought I was forgotten, I didn't think anyone else cared about me but then I found you. You made me so happy and you don't even realise it.” She turned to me then, crying almost peacefully it stung my heart I had to do something.
   So it was then that I reached over and unbuckled her, she looked at me and nodded. I couldn't leave her, but I couldn't let her know she was alone in those last few moments. Manoeuvring myself and her, I slowly managed to slide her onto my lap and rock her slowly. She looked to the sky one more time, then up to me.
   “I love you daddy.” She whispered,
   “I love you too baby.” And, with that she closed her beautiful green eyes and sunk lower into my arms. She opened them no more.

   And then, I find myself where I originally started. Gates are ahead of me and a single man with a clip board is sitting at a desk.
   “Ah Leo, I see we were wrong about you. Go through the gates, there's someone that's waiting to see you.” The man gestures to the gates but doesn't look up, he doesn't need to. The tone of his voice tells he's sorry.
   I do as I'm told, only slower. How I got here in the first place is down to the way Emily died. My friend skidded on ice whilst driving, but instead of hitting a tree he hit a car. The last thing I remember were bright headlights coming straight towards us, I died on the scene.
   The gates seem to grow as I walk closer, looming over me I immediately start to regret walking here in the first place. As I start to turn away however, I see someone behind the gates waving at me.
   I find myself running, something I haven't done for longer then I can remember. And all of a sudden, I find myself at peace. The threatening things in front of me look less intimidating. Just as I realise this, they open and the little girl waving at me runs forwards towards me so quickly I just have enough time to scoop her in my arms and swing her in circles.
   She laughs so much she begs me to stop after a few minutes, but although I stop she still giggles at me.
   “Emily, where am I?” I ask her quietly, she stops giggling then smiles,
   “You're home.”

   [ Just imagine if you could touch their purity, feel their beauty. What would you gain or loose if someone so close died in your arms? Memories. Memories of joy, of sadness. Ones that show they touched others lives just as you are doing in your own without realising. See, we aren't all forgotten really, we just don't turn to the right people when we seek answers for questions long forgotten in our hearts.

Offline Phoenix

Last words of a dying man
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2015, 01:22:51 AM »
Off-Topic: show
I wrote this whilst I was ill, and literally could not stand up.


   I don't trust my feet to stand, I cannot lean on them without falling. It feels as if the world is in my stomach, turning every second. Jolting my every move. Questioning my every thought.
   Millions of memories, painful and pleasant, fears and doubts. All the same, yet all different. There is no saviour, only me.
   Do I listen to these thoughts? Shrouded and shrunken man, I never wanted to listen to. Yet now there is nothing, no one else.
   My head swims in thoughts, forgotten by their masters. Left to tempt evil, only to burn hatred. I know then what I need, but my body won't obey.
   This illness is slowly killing me, driving me insane. And I know there is no cure.

   I am weak, but not worthless. That's for the life I've lived, nothing more or less will change it.
   My ears start burning, a constant dull ringing played over and over. Tears shed from my eyes, it's not the first time tonight I've become like this.
   A shadow of who I was, defenceless and insecure. I want to stop, I'm sick of the pain. Sick of the torture. I know I was never meant to survive.
   Yet I'm still standing here, the last of my kind. The world falls in my chest, making me lurch forward onto the hard damp ground.
   This is it? What my life accumulated to? The whispers in my head start raising their voices. Slowly, slowly. Till they're shouting, and the tears come freer.

   I cannot stop this, the monster I've become inside. I wish to escape, for the pain to cease so I can sleep once more.
   This isn't the first time I've become insane without resting. For days it's all I needed but I never managed to get.
   But this is different. These are the words of a dying man.

   I am a lost cause, one you shouldn't pity. Believe me when I tell you I never expected this to happen. I never thought I'd become this.
   I brace myself, and with shaking arms I lift my arms down and manage to support my body weight. One, two th-
   I collapse again.
  I'm too weak to go on, too damaged to fight.
  I have no strength left inside me any more.
   All I have is the pain.

   I close my eyes, tears dampening my nose and hair as they fall silently to the floor.
   I can't go on, not any more.

   Last memories, last voices get played inside my head. Their sounds echoed by the years of never being heard before.
   And I know, right then, this is it.
   This is what I waited for.
   My stomach quietens.
   The voices are paused.
   And the memories are stopped.

   White light shrouds my closed eyelids, pure white energy shining beneath them.
   With my last ounce of energy left in my body, I reach out with open arms and take it.

Offline Rabbit

Re: Not so short story (collection)
« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2015, 01:29:37 AM »
I really liked Stars. I got quite absorbed into hearing this person (Leo?) relive the worst experience of his life but able to see the things he'd missed as it happened. It was quite sad, but also... touching. And I like the 'twist', that Emily was his daughter - I honestly thought she was his missus at first, but that reveal made it all the more poignant.

Thanks for sharing, Pho. :owl:
:owl:

:R.I.P:
 

Offline Phoenix

Re: Not so short story (collection)
« Reply #9 on: March 28, 2015, 01:40:47 AM »
I think in my head she was going to be his girlfriend but his daughter seemed to fit more, he'd have a stronger reaction to what was happening and his future from that point.
So I changed it towards the end, and it's stuck ever since.

To be honest with you, I think she sounds quite grown up, I was intending for her to be around five or six but a child that young wouldn't say the things she did towards the end. I guess it just goes on the readers interpretation.

I'm trying to dig out loads of my other stories, trying to update them which is why I haven't been on as much as I'd like to be.
When I manage to find one, I post it up when I can though :D.

Offline Angel

Re: Not so short story (collection)
« Reply #10 on: March 28, 2015, 07:29:45 AM »
Out of the two newer ones I like Stars more. It's so sad and the the pain of the narrator just permeates the whole piece. Though, I do agree with you that Emily does sound a lot older than five or six so I thought she was going to be his girlfriend.  :shrug:
Good job Pho! *waits for more* :thumb:

Enter Helena's world of light.
 :onfire:
 

Offline Phoenix

Sorry
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2015, 03:08:58 PM »
   If I said I was sorry, would you believe me? Would you forget all the pain and try to move on to the future where so much more hope is still to be found? I know I hurt you, I know you will never fully heal, no one ever would. But I'm praying that these words get through your now thick exterior, after all, I never imagined just how much I put you through until it was too late.
   I'm not a coward, my past has so many secrets that I wish I could tell you them all, and it's not that I don't trust you with them. It's simply because now after everything they don't seem important any longer.

   I've lived through so many punishments, had so many insults thrown at me I could recite them as a published book. I've spent most of my miserable life hoping that everything would end, and passed so many evenings not knowing if the next day would be my last. For days on end I was petrified of everything and everyone around me, but as cliché as this sounds, it all changed when you came into my life.
   I know apologising this late won't change anything, and I'm not expecting it to, all I'm hoping is that you try to understand why I pushed you away so much.

   My life has never been simple, I guess in some vain hope I expected being with you would make it easier. I'd be able to talk to someone, share the secrets that I'd been plagued with since before I could remember.
   The truth though, was that I found myself protecting you from them instead of sharing the pain.

   Maybe that's why you hate me so much, and I honestly don't blame you. I didn't see the danger signs until they were too late to grab on to, and because of it I fell into the darkness of not knowing what was going on completely alone.
   You were so perfect that morning we first met. And before you say anything else, yes I know I lied to you. How could I ever forget that day? I know so many arguments ended with you in tears, questioning why you were still with me. I knew inside me that I'd changed, and I was trying to cover up the fact that I had. Only now I realise that I was trying to block out that day and the ones that followed, because they showed a man who was actually happy.
   I remember when I first glanced at you across the station, instantly knowing that you were the one for me. You looked at me so peacefully then, and even though people were rushing past us trying to get on a train that had already started to pull away, we just stood there.
   Your hair was drifting over your eyes in the wind, the blonde hair showing off your sparkling bright blue eyes, and blowing in such a way across your shoulders that made me instantly that I had been imagining you. That thought was instantly thrown out of my head the moment you started to walk towards me.
 
   And, before you say anything else about the dress you were wearing that day, look in the box attached with this letter.
   Yes, I kept it. How could I throw it away? Keeping that memory alive in my head was the one thing that kept me going for so long.

   But now, before I trail off any further. I need you to know why I'm writing this, but most of all I wanted to remind you.
   I never stopped loving you, I never stopped caring. Every single time I saw the hurt in your eyes, the tears spill from them or the anger towards me, I lashed out at you because I had seen what affect my attitude had on you. I couldn't stand to be the one doing that to you, to be the one making you react that way.

   And that is why, after all this time, I'm giving you the life you should have had. To be the person who changed me into looking to the future, made me say to myself that I may have been through a lot, but I'm here right now. Only this time I'm stronger than before, no matter what obstacles get thrown at me I know I can over take them all.
   Take the keys to the house and everything in it, it's about time I made a change for me for once.
   If you want to talk to me again, just phone my family. They know where I'm living now, but if you just want to take the fresh start that you should have had, then it's your decision.

   I'm sorry, for everything. But most of all, being the person you couldn't stand as I tried to piece together why you were drifting further and further away from me.

Dorian.

Offline Phoenix

My nightmare returns.
« Reply #12 on: August 08, 2016, 01:55:15 PM »
Off-Topic: show
There aren't any words for this one really. I started writing when it was all-well not too great. Continued when it had died down (somewhat).




  I can’t breathe, the walls are closing in so fast. Holding my arms out either side doesn’t help, nothing will give me the room I need.
  It’s happening so fast, I’m trying to let it sink in and sort my head out but I can’t. There’s nothing I can do other than sit and hope that it will all be over soon.
  I’ve been here before, I can remember the darkness that surrounded my mind as I struggled to move forward. I never wanted to come back here, yet all of a sudden here I am. I can’t even remember how I managed to escape last time either, so it’s not like I can leave.
  I tried telling myself that I needed to be here before, it was mostly because it was just easier than accepting the fact that I didn’t know why.

   Now I’m back in my nightmare, and the restraints from before are already threatening to slither back where they had been and cover everything that I love. Making it joyless and now something I’d rather avoid.
  I managed to eventually gradually pick all the weeds from my mind that had suffocated my dreams, but there were still remains of them. That part of my life was suffocating and confusing, and I had no outlet to figure out why. Now it’s just the same.
  The same sense of; doubt, fear and confusion-lingers in the air I breathe. Each second I take a breath I inhale more of the toxic air, gradually leaving me in a worse state than before.
  Maybe, just maybe, the remains of being here before never left.
  Maybe that was the reason whenever I closed my eyes I could feel something drawing me back.
  Was it just waiting for the right moment when I thought everything was fine? Was this all planned?

  The panic was real. I was stumbling in the darkness, trying to run away from it all. I knew it was futile but it was the only thing I could think of doing.
   I hated not being able to think straight.
   I hated not enjoying anything.
   I hated feeling that it was never going to end.

-

   The weeds are sliding toward me so quickly now, I can hear them growing as I try and move forward. They sound like snakes speeding toward their prey, and I start wondering which one will be  the first to get to me.
   I can hear people-my characters shouting out urgently. Do they need help? Where are they?
   There, there it is. The uncertainty, the part of this hell that I have dreaded. I was hoping this part would just fly by and miss me, but now along with not being able to escape I have to deal with not being able to think straight too.
   In the back of my mind, I can hear the voices that kept telling me to move forward but as I start to focus on them I know something is muffling them out as well. And it’s then that I realise the only reason that I’m here is to live through the parts of me and my life that I try to forget about.

   The paranoid voices are growing louder, and as they do I try and take deep breaths, knowing that the longer I stand and breathe this air in the longer I’m going to be here. I try and reason with them-plead with them and reassure them that it will be okay, and at the same time doubting every word that I say.
   It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This was meant to be the place where I could escape and forget everything bad that was happening to the world. My characters were my lifeline, and would deliberately put on shows and act out different things to make me laugh and keep me motivated but now-now it’s all a mess. They’re in danger because I can’t think straight, and where does that leave me?
   I can feel the pessimistic side of me surfacing and along with it the one that is trying to figure this place out. Inside my mind they start battling each other, leaving me unable to move and only open my eyes helplessly as I try and search for help. I know my characters are near but I now can’t move. Everything is closing in and it feels like I’m suffocating.

   I can feel myself starting to panic, it wasn’t suppose to be like this at all. This place was supposed to be mine. It was meant to be my refuge and a place where I could create powerful and beautiful stories that put smiles to people’s faces and tears in their eyes. How could this happen to me again? I was trying so hard to pretend that it never happened and move on but now-
   I feel my legs give way, leaving me to kneel on the floor. I knew moving from this spot was going to be too hard right now, so instead I simply don’t bother. Instead I curl up into a little ball and just close my eyes.
   I begin hoping that it would all disappear, and that when I open my eyes again everything will be just as it was. As I ran over my little ‘plan’ in my head again-and-again though, I realise how silly it sounds and instead I just listen to the voices in my mind as they continue to disagree with each other.

-

   Eventually after what felt like forever, I look up from my knees and wearily and find my eyes adjusting to the light. As things came into focus I realise that there were people standing a few feet away from me facing towards the darkness. Each person has their hands linked with another, forming a ring of four around me, then a larger one of twenty in front of them.
   I stare at them in awe, not really sure what to expect or say. I knew every single one of them even without seeing their faces, and it dawns on me that each of them was doing the one thing that I had never even thought of.
   My characters were protecting me.

   Everyone was silent, and I knew how serious they were taking their job. They were all concentrating on what they were doing so much though, I don’t think anyone knew that I was watching them. Cautiously, I stood up. My legs were still shaking with a combination of fear and anxiety but I shut the voices in my mind out and focused on what was going on around me.
   As I watched them, I saw more people managing to escape the darkness. A few noticed me standing in the centre of the circles and smiled, only to then face away from me and from yet another one further away from the last.
   The last person linked hands slowly, and I saw instantly that the suffocating and foreboding blackness that had surrounded me was getting pushed further and further away.

Offline Phoenix

Re: Not so short story (collection)
« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2018, 09:00:01 PM »

Wow... I really need to write more  :whaaa:

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How's this?

Offline Phoenix

Can you hear me?
« Reply #14 on: May 04, 2018, 09:00:49 PM »
Hello?

Can you hear me?

I know you’re there, I can see you in front of me.

Are you just pretending that I’m not here?

Nobody else can see me, I’m even doubtful that you can but I’m still going to try.

Maybe you’re just trying to push aside your feelings, I’ve certainly been there before.

I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to start this for so long, to acknowledge that I was really in the wrong.
I never wanted to blame you, you were never meant to get hurt.

I know it sounds cheesy, I know it doesn’t make anything right. And I know nothing will change what happened, especially now.

I just wanted to put things back the way they were, to believe that it was possible for even a few moments. But I went about doing so in the wrong way.

Can you believe I’m standing beside you after all this time? it’s been years and you still look as beautiful as the last time I saw you.
I still see the hope in your eyes, the shimmer of something becoming stronger than before.
Never stop trying my darling, you deserved so much more than what I could give you.

Offline Saint

Re: Not so short story (collection)
« Reply #15 on: May 04, 2018, 09:40:59 PM »
Where's that damn chair?

Aha, here it i- wow this thing is dusty...

BRB, I'm gonna go get a duster.  Or a beanbag...
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?
 

Offline Phoenix

Re: Not so short story (collection)
« Reply #16 on: May 04, 2018, 10:13:02 PM »
Ugh, really? Where did all of the comfy chairs go? Do I need to have words with Cinder again? (He still needs to control his flame, last week he set a load of old spider webs alight with just one sneeze.)

Offline Phoenix

I wish I could.
« Reply #17 on: May 17, 2018, 11:09:05 PM »
Off-Topic: show
An oldie I managed to dig up, thought it deserved a place on my thread.


   I wish I could start a story, one where the hero was admired. One where dragons and mermaids exist.
   I wish I could dream, close my eyes and pretend that everyone were friends. Where there is nothing to hate and no reason to hide or be afraid.
   I wish I could pause time, on places in time that I felt loved and ignore everything bad.

   I wish I could cry, I wish I could forget. I wish I could be brave enough to tell the world what happened, but I can't.
   I know the dragon's will never be real, and pretending anything more would do more damage than good.
   I know that no matter how hard I try I will never be able to escape here.

   But still, I try.

Offline Phoenix

I...
« Reply #18 on: January 25, 2019, 11:28:54 AM »
   'I’ve had these words building inside me for a long while now, only there has never seemed to be the right time to say them until now. I never wanted to be that person, the one that gave in-the one who broke when the pressure was too much to handle. Yet, here I am.
   I’m sorry, I never thought after all this time it would come down to a decision. One that would ultimately decide whether you carried on or we cut ties completely.
   But lately, I’ve felt that I’m fighting this battle on my own, and I’m becoming afraid. I’m not sure if the scars will ever fade, if the damage on my heart will ever cease.
   This isn’t something that I’ve thought lightly on, I know what could happen could also hurt me more inside. It’s been months-years now, where I’ve fought alongside others that I thought would make a difference. Only to find myself needing more help than before.

   Now I’m just tired.
I’m afraid.
I’m exhausted.
I’m lonely.
I’m done.

   I’ve tried, I really have. I’ve fought longer than anyone else, all the while hoping that what I was doing was making some kind of difference. I needed to believe things would change, but nothing has.
   I’m still stuck in the same place that I thought I started walking away from. Only now the scenery around me has changed. The outside has moved, where I have stood still.
   And I’m not sure how much longer I can go before it all becomes too much.

   I’m sorry, so sorry.'

Offline Saint

Re: Not so short story (collection)
« Reply #19 on: January 25, 2019, 06:16:13 PM »
I like this piece, it has a good rhythm to it.  Keep em coming.
:owlfly1:

Want to play DnD?  Check out: The Lost Treasure: A TC DnD Campaign
Don't want to play DnD? That's fine too, here's a short set in the world instead: A Tale of The Darkest Tome
How about helping me build a world From the Ground Up?