Author Topic: Not so short story (collection)  (Read 5395 times)

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Offline Phoenix

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« Reply #20 on: August 02, 2021, 08:33:12 PM »
[offtopic]One I wasn't sure I'd post up, but  :shrug:. Enjoy.
[/offtopic]

   Iíve wanted to ask a question to you for quite some time now. And now Iím worried it may be too late, which-I know- is completely my fault.
   I was hoping that over time, I would build up the courage to ask you, before I did something stupid. Iím learning now that I shouldnít have done that. That I should have just asked you, regardless of the outcome, as delaying knowing the answer is only driving me crazy.
   The silly thing is, the question is a short one, only being four words, and would likely only have a single one for an answer.
   ĎDo you love me?í
   ĎYesí or ĎNoí.

   Ever since I was little, and as far back as I can remember, my brain hasnít coped well with half the things that you-like so many others, take for granted. Which, of course you know all too well.
   My speech is slurred, as the letters from the words that I find myself trying to say get mixed up as I try to talk. Itís as though they form in my head perfectly, but they donít want to escape. Instead all that happens when I open my mouth, is I end up stuttering, leading to me giving up most of the time.
   Iíve learnt just to avoid speaking out, just to save myself from accepting defeat even when I can feel that my head is clearer than usual.

   The strange thing is, that all changes when youíre with me. Itís as though my whole body is calmer when youíre around, my anxieties just seem to melt away the moment I see you, or hear your voice.
   Time seems to move a little slower, which allows me to find the courage to form sentences easier, as Iím able to do so without feeling forced or rushed. And even though it may sound so silly to you, itís as if I can finally breathe.
   Like my mind up has just been yet another movie played constantly on fast forward, and Iíve just been holding my breath as I try to keep up until that point.

   Not that it matters now, I honestly donít know how I managed to screw up this badly. I took our friendship for granted, as I figured because you were so important to me, that I wouldnít do anything to sabotage it. And, because of that, I always expected you to be around. That, even if we werenít a couple, that we would be close friends even at a silly age.
   Yet, here I am silently hating myself as Iím reminded just how much damage my words have caused. The same ones I thought I would never say to anyone, let alone you, especially with all the issues I have talking.
   Instead all that escaped my mouth were letters, which were spliced with anger. They were meant for myself, not you but that didnít matter. As soon as I began speaking that day, with my thoughts filled with hatred, the harder it was to stop.

   A monster took over, one which switched off the ability to think clearly, or have any remorse. And so, because of that, I had to watch on in horror as the words escaping my lips hurt you. The little voice, the voice of reason and compassion, begged me to stop. They were overpowered by evil and anger though, so much so I couldnít stop. The floodgates of emotion were open, and there was no way of turning back the tide.

   Iím sorry, so sorry. I never meant for you to hear any of that. As Iíve already said-none of it was meant for you.
   The moment you asked if I was okay, all I could see when I turned around was your brother, and not the innocent party in all of this. It was too late, I couldnít hold my emotions in check after I saw his face in your own.
   I never meant to hurt you, how could I? Meeting you was the best thing thatís ever happened to me.

   That day in the shopping centre changed how I approach sticky situations after, then again thatís nothing new there. Everyone you meet will say the same thing.
   I can remember that morning, so clearly, even after all this time. You were so kind to me, even when the other children around us werenít. But what I will always be grateful for, is how you stuck up for me, a complete stranger.
   And, youíve done the exact same thing for just over ten years now. Even as teenagers I still canít believe that youíre my friend. I just hope that I can fix this, before itís too late.

Offline newchinaren

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Re: Not so short story (collection)
« Reply #21 on: September 25, 2022, 10:15:44 AM »
Nice!  Your writing here is smooooth. 

Although the spacing between paras is a little random lol. 

And it only took me a year or so to repy to this.

 

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