Moving Forward

[Phoenix]

Lets try this again! I've lost count how many tries it's taken, hopefully this is the last though. I'm determined to finish it this year, and have set a plan out to reach it.
Fingers crossed!


We all have secrets.
Some can be easily hidden from others, and the rest aren’t so easily missed.

There are times in life where everything feels like it’s suffocating your world, destroying everything inside your mind.
These are the events that shape your future.
The question is, will you be brave and move through these events on your own?

I wasn’t.

Contents

1: Jake
2: Rachel
3: Ben Link to be added shortly

Work in progress, links to be added when chapters are complete.

4: Sarah

Planned chapter titles.

5: Marie
6: Sam
7: John
8: Abigail
9: Dean
10: Charlotte
11: Holly
12: Lucy

[Phoenix]

   I held my breath for a few moments, then sighed. Today was already heading down the path where nothing was going my way, and it had all stemmed from forgetting my coat before I left my flat in the morning.
   The sun was shining in the sky, although you couldn’t tell. The light grey clouds covered everything you could see like a blanket, but instead of being warm-it was bitterly cold.
   I had left later than I had hoped too, ensuring my decision to run back inside would be met with a battle either way. Grudgingly, I opted to simply see if I could buy another in town. I really couldn’t risk missing the shops that I needed to go into as it was already close to them shutting for the day.
   I clenched my fingers into fists, and shoved them into the pockets of my jeans, hoping that they would warm up somewhat before they started tingling with the cold. It was only June, but the weather felt like it was close to November-December even.

   The past few days at work had dragged on, and I was under more and more pressure to complete tasks that were either menial or far more experienced than I was skilled at. Sleep had been something I had been trying to catch up with for a little while now, but sleeping in until the afternoon? I groaned with annoyance at myself and started walking briskly through the streets.
   Lately the stress of my job had started to take it’s toll, sure. This though, was the first time where it had caused me to actually wake up late-ensuring the rest of my day would be left with me running around as I tried to catch up.

   As I neared the town, I started to feel the temperature drop slightly as the wind picked up. I was immediately grateful for deciding to place my long, dark blonde hair in a ponytail. When everything was blowing around as if a miniature tornado was running through the streets, I found it was easier to keep it out of the way so it didn’t get tangled as easily.
   I passed the first of the shops quickly, barely paying attention to the people that I had to move around as I felt their eyes judging me. Yes, it was cold-and I was cold too because of it, but what was the point staring at someone who was wearing a thin white cardigan and a t-shirt?
   If only I had at least picked something out that hid the appearance of my increasingly pale skin. Fashion certainly didn’t help in this weather, the outfit I had picked out was pretty, but the pattern in the fabric covering my arms had holes in.
   I rushed into the nearest shop and inwardly groaned as I heard music playing, the same songs that I had heard every day at work, and pulled out my music player. Within a few minutes I had retreated happily to the melodies that more often than note soothed the tension and frustration that threatened to boil over.

   I had entered a clothing store that sold pre-loved and donated items. It was a small shop, and although I didn’t know anyone that worked their personally, the staff were friendly all the same.
   I walked over to the coats that they had on sale and moved them along the rails quickly. I could see people pointing at my skin, noticing the small scars that led up my arm and I sighed. My body, although not covered, did have many visible reminders of my past mistakes. Accidental falls, breakages and other mishaps that I never thought twice over until recently.
   Biting my lip gently in thought, I pulled a lovely coat off the rails. Navy blue, with a flowery pattern that were grouped together more at the bottom, making it look like they were falling and landing there. It was a size too big, but as I tried it on I found it fit perfectly, and had several large pockets which I hadn’t realised it had.
   I walked over to the counter smiling gently with the coat over my arm, and pulled one of my headphones out so that I could talk to the person serving me.
   “Rosie! I haven’t seen you in a while, how are you doing?” the cashier Sam asked. He rung the coat through the till as I took my purse out of my bag.
   “Fine, the same as usual really. Have you had any art supplies in recently?”
   “No, unfortunately not,” he replied. “I’m pretty sure I still have your number on file though, I can call you if anything turns up?”
   “That would be great,” I replied. “How is your mum doing? I know the last time I came in she was having trouble breathing.”
   “Better, the doctors don’t know what’s wrong yet still though,” he said grimacing. His emerald eyes showed a hint of worry for a moment, before he shook his head and smiled once more.
   I handed over the money and had a look around, the layout hadn’t changed since the last time I had stepped inside a few weeks ago, but the atmosphere seemed different all the same. Not wanting to pry too much, I slid the coat on once more and said goodbye, making a note to myself to pop in more often when I could as I did so.

   I stepped outside replacing the headphone once more, and slowly started to look around. There were several things that I needed from town, but I wasn’t sure if I would be able to pick any of them up. Most of the shops that sold the things I needed were on the verge of closing, or had a reputation of not being available.
   A suitcase was the first, and main thing that I needed, along with some food items that I could eat for dinner that night.
   As I was heading away in a few days to visit my grandma, I knew I wouldn’t need to buy much, so anything I brought today would have to last until I came back.

   The first shop I stepped into, had an unpleasant paint and bleach odour, which in turn, ensured that I wouldn’t spend too much time browsing. It was a stationery shop, so my list of objects to locate switched to pens that I could use to outline my art work. The majority of the ones that I owned were running out, and at different rates due to usage, and I needed to replace the ones that I used regularly.
   The only ones they had on offer were the brand that I knew bled through the page, regardless of how much ink you placed down. And so I left, feeling relieved that-although it was colder than being inside the shop, I wouldn’t have to breathe in the almost toxic smell any longer.

   A few shops down I spotted a bag shop, that often sold cases and travel items that would be useful for people going away. It was nearing the time that the majority of places closed though, so I sped up and made my way inside.
   I was only going away for a few days, so I knew I wouldn’t need a big case. I passed the handbags and backpacks and sighed. The shop was small enough to see the other end where I was standing, and all I could see were empty shelves with ‘sale’ stickers nearby.

   The next four shops gave the same results; nothing. None of them had any of the items that I was after, and I took a deep breath before I walked back the way I had come. It was still light out, but the lights inside the shops were gradually being turned off as they closed, which made the street seem somewhat deserted despite the people walking around.
   I sighed once more and stepped into the grocery store, feeling somewhat annoyed at myself and the businesses that were meant to be selling the things that people actually needed. Had I awoken earlier in the day, I would have been able to do a brief search of the town and maybe headed somewhere else to buy the things I was after. Now though, it was too late to bother trying.
   As the store I was in shut later, I was able to take my time and pace myself. I hadn’t expected today to be as stressful as it had been, so it was a nice change to walk around slowly and have a chance to calm down.
   I picked up items that I knew I would be able to cook quickly for dinner and some cereal bars and paid, making sure to pass the advertisements board as I left. The job that I had was okay, but it was stressful, and less challenging than I had first thought it would be. Half the time I spent the day doing tasks that I shouldn’t have been doing, but I was a non-confrontational person. I didn’t want the risk of causing problems, especially as I couldn’t risk losing the money that I was getting paid.
   I had been thinking of leaving for a little while, but I hadn’t found the right opportunity. All I could do was hope that something would come along shortly.

    I left the store, carrying the items in the bags I had been carrying in the one over my shoulder, and felt a wave of anxiety creep over me. Should I have continued searching? Continued worrying about something I wasn’t able to control?
   I quickly skipped a song that I was listening too and started to walk home. It was calming listening to music, even though I often forgot to actually listen to anything at all. More often than not I found myself almost home, still hearing the traffic and people talking as I passed them.
   The old Victorian bridge that separated the town from the main road was rather low and wide. As cars passed underneath, the engines echoed in the hollow space, and I rolled my eyes as I quickly walked through. Each time I had to head home from the shops back home, I always managed to forget to temporarily turn the sound up.
   Listening to music always enabled me to escape and concentrate on things that were on my mind. Lately it seemed to be the only way that I could get things I needed to complete done though.

   So many things had happened over the past couple of months. So much so I found myself starting to lie, as I tried to assure myself and others that everything was okay when it really wasn’t.
   I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted to believe the words that I was saying, or that I was denying that something was actually wrong. Either way the outcome was the same.
   Taking another small breath I glanced down momentarily, only to find when I looked up once more, that my vision was completely shrouded in a dark navy colour. A second later, I found myself frozen in shock, watching as the person I had managed to bump into smiled gently at me.
   I instantly recognised him, although I couldn’t place where I knew him, it certainly wasn’t at work. I took out one of my headphones slowly, unable to look away from his face as I did so.
   “Rosie?” he asked. I nodded wearily and checked myself over, as I did so I tried recalling my thoughts to see if I could figure out his name, as he clearly knew my own. “Are you okay?” he asked.
   “I am,” I reassured him, feigning a smile as I did so.
   “Oh, you don’t remember me do you?” he laughed gently.
   I looked up once more, and met his brilliant green eyes. Something about the small grin caught my attention, and kept it from registering anything else around me. Combined with the pained look he had been trying to hide, and his dishevelled hair, it was clear the person in front of me was dealing with something he was having trouble with.

   After a few minutes of awkward silence, where I was continuing to work out where I knew him, I watched as he slid his fingers into the pockets of his tatty, dark trousers and bit his lip gently. The emotion from his body posture, along with his long, baggy jumper and appearance in general really struck a nerve in my heart. I could tell, even without speaking to him that he needed help.
   “Sorry,” I replied finally. Eventually giving in to the realisation that I would need a little bit of help to place his name.
   “That’s okay,” he smiled nervously once more. His voice was warm and kind, but also unsure and a little rough. As though he hadn’t spoken for a while, as he was afraid of what would be revealed if he opened his mouth. And as though he didn’t trust himself to say anything before today.
   Taking a deep breath, I placed the bags that I was holding in front of me and stood up to see him placing a phone into his pocket.
   “So, you’re going to have to help me out here. How do I know you?”
   “You remember Cooper Golden?” he asked me.
   “Of course, we were best friends years ago,” I replied. “We used to go on camping trips with his parents and sister-.”
   “And Cooper’s cousin Jake and his family,” he interjected.
   “Yes, a couple of times.”
   He smiled nervously once more, and laughed quietly as I thought for a moment. We had all been children at the time, and often stayed in a little bustling village near a beautiful lake. When Cooper’s family moved away a few towns over though, the adventures and holiday’s stopped. We had still met up afterwards, but it hadn’t been the same.
   “Jake?” I asked. He chuckled once more and nodded, and I relaxed a little as I realised the person in front of me wasn’t a complete stranger.
   “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you when I bumped into you did I? I wasn’t really looking where I was going,” he explained.
   “No, I’m fine-you just startled me that’s all. Are you okay?”

   I asked the question for two reasons; the first was to check that he too was okay after we had managed to bump into one another, but the other was for a completely different one entirely. It was to see how he reacted, and to find out if he would lie to me.
   I doubted straight away that he would indulge me, and tell me what was bothering him. Then again, something was clearly wrong though, and I had to at least try.
   Sure enough, I saw his expression change in front of me. The small smile disappeared, and he diverted his eyes across the road as he replied.
   “I’m alright too,” he lied.
   Unsure of how to respond, I quickly picked up one of the bags and checked the contents. Other than the bread being a little battered, everything else inside seemed to be alright.
   “I hope that nothing’s damaged,” he said as he looked towards me once more.
   “Oh, no. I was just making sure,” I replied slowly. Taking a moment to let my head get used to what was going on.
   Inside my thoughts, I could hear someone faintly crying. It didn’t make any sense, was it my music player? Or was I just hearing things?
   I shook, then gently and gradually raised my head to look at Jake once more. As I did so, I became increasingly worried, although more for myself than for him.
   The higher my head lifted, the louder the crying became. It didn’t make any sense, what was happening?

   I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes for a few seconds, opening them to find my mind filled with a brief wave of silence as I looked into his eyes.
   The moment I looked away, I stopped moving once more and listened.
  ‘Everyone still thinks that me and Gloria are still together, even though we broke up a week ago. I don’t get it, why did she have to dump me for him?’
   Unsure of how to react, I reached for my other bag and tried to busy myself to pass the awkward silence that had fallen.
   “Are you sure that you’re okay?” he asked.
   “I’m fine, really.” I replied. Although I could tell that my strength wasn’t as strong as it had been before. My confidence was starting to falter, so much so I could tell that he no longer believed me.

   I placed the bag on the floor once more, and watched as he peered inside. The other bag that didn’t have the groceries in, held a mixture of basic art materials that I had managed to pick up alongside the food that I purchased.
   I then watched as Jake took a deep breath, and shuffled a few steps away from me.
   “Are you an artist?” he asked. “What types of things do you like to draw?”
   “People, portraits mostly,” I replied. “Sorry if I’m a little short with you, only I’ve had a rough week.”
   “It’s fine,” he assured me. “I know how it is, how it gets sometimes.”
   Biting the inside of my lip gently, I began thinking over what I had just heard. Was it worth confirming if it was real? Did I really want to know if it was?

   I took a deep breath, trying to read my thoughts as I tried to make sense of what was going on.
   “I don’t suppose you know someone called Gloria do you?” I asked carefully.
   What surprised me, was even though he didn’t know the context of why I was asking, he still visibly shut down. He backed further away, and I could see the pain glistening in his bright green eyes. Almost screaming to be released once more, the tears that he had managed to hide until now, threatened to fall-and reveal his secret. And the weak facade that he had put in place to protect himself.
   I turned away slightly, and slowly walked the few paces that he had put between us. Then, I reassuringly placed a hand on his shoulder, and lifted his head so that he was looking at me once more.
   “You know about that?” he asked weakly.
   “Yeah, I found out quite recently actually,” I replied nervously. “So, I’ll ask again. Are you okay?”
   Jake looked away for a moment, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his right arm as he did so. I then found myself unable to say anything further, but knew at the same time that I didn’t need to.
   Even though I hadn’t accused or implied that I knew what he was hiding, it was clear that we both knew all the same.

   I wasn’t sure if Jake would reply, so I slid my arm away slowly. As I turned around to move my bags closer though, I heard his voice once more. Although barely audible due to him struggling to speak, I didn’t ask him to repeat what he had said. The two letter word had been such an obvious answer from the first moment that I had seen him.

[Phoenix]

   Jake looked away briefly, which gave me the opportunity to take some of the time out that I needed. I had woken up today feeling confused and frustrated, and now it was only going to get more complicated?
   What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t exactly tell Jake how I had found out about Gloria. And the  ‘voices’ inside my mind, just how many of them would I be able to hear?
   “I’m sorry,” Jake muttered. “I screwed up-I shouldn’t be telling you this.”
   “No Jake, just no-” I said firmly. “-Why are you apologising?”
   He coughed weakly, and then wiped his eyes with his sleeves once more. Was he ashamed of what happened? Of something that someone else had done?
   “Nobody really knows about it yet,” he tried to explain.
   “Jake,” I sighed as I shook my head. “You aren’t the one who is in the wrong here, she is.”
   “But-”
   “-Listen to me, please.” I raised my hand in front of me, and watched the confusion as it started to spread on his face. “You shouldn’t keep what happened a secret, your friends should know.”
   After a small pause, I saw him relax a little and take a couple of deep breaths to calm down.
   “You know, Cooper always said that you were great at giving advice,” he said smiling gently.
   “Well it’s a shame I can’t seem to take my own when I need it,” I chuckled.
   “Thank you,” he said as he looked from me to the road and back again. This time, he was grinning more confidently than he had been before.
   “Don’t worry about it,” I said picking my bags up once more. “Look, I need to get going unfortunately. I have things to catch up with at home.”
   “Oh, yes-sorry about that,” he paused once more. “Although I am glad that I bumped into you though, it’s been years since we’ve been able to talk properly.”
   “It’s alright,” I smiled. “And I know, it’s been at least ten from what I recall.”
   “That sounds about right,” he agreed. “Are you free to meet up properly any time soon? We could make an afternoon out of us catching up.” After pausing for a moment, he then added an afterthought, which left me unable to say no. “-And, it would be nice to get out of the house again I suppose, and talk to someone that doesn’t want to turn my life into a joke.”
   “I’m free tomorrow all day actually, I’m on the lookout for a set of pens before I go away for the weekend.”
   “That’s great,” he smiled once more. “Do you want to meet on the benches in the high street and maybe get something for lunch?”
   “That sounds fine to me,” I nodded. I then placed the headphone back into my ear, but I was surprised to see when I looked up that Jake had already started to walk away.

   Only a few feet away though, and I watched him turn around and wave. I giggled quietly, returning the gesture as I intended to make my way home. However, it was only only then that the full impact of what had just happened took its toll on my body.

-

   Wave upon wave of throbbing pain suddenly started to pulse through my head and ears. And as each one did, I cowered more and more towards the floor. It felt like a dull ache, as if someone was repeatedly trying to knock on my skull like a door-and I could feel every hit.
   A few moments later, I realised that I was sitting on the ground. I could feel the cold and hard pavement through my jeans, but I had no strength at all to stand up.
   So instead, I started listening to what was going on around me, as I wasn’t able to anything more. I couldn’t work out what was going on, why was this happening now-and not in front of Jake? He surely couldn’t have passed over an illness to me in the short amount of time that we were together.

   I sighed and closed my eyes, and was able to make out people rushing over to me. Their footsteps became louder with every second that passed, and so I started to pay attention to what they were saying-only to find that I couldn’t focus on anything.
   My whole body was shaking, and felt heavy. Even when I tried to reach out with my arms, hoping to grip onto anything- anything solid, they just collapsed either side of me instead.

   I felt a slight pressure on my shoulder, as the strangers tried to comfort me, but they were nervous too. Were they unsure of the situation? I know I would have been if I were them.
   Sighing, I hoped that I would be able to get the strength back once more as I took time out to gather my thoughts. With each passing moment though, I could feel the symptoms getting worse.

   A hand gently clenched around my own and a hard, but slightly cold, cylinder was placed in my palm. As I opened my eyes, I realised that my vision was only blurred due to the tears that I hadn’t realised were streaming down my face.
   I was able to slowly raise my arm so that I could dry my eyes on my sleeve, and then inspected my hand. And, the opened bottle of water that had been placed within it.
   “Thank you,” I mumbled to them. I wasn’t sure if my words were loud enough for them to hear, not that it mattered. I doubted that I would have the strength to repeat myself anyway.
   As I moved the transparent liquid to my lips, I felt my arm shaking once more- becoming more unstable the higher I raised it. Just when I was about to give up and place it where it had been, a hand was placed underneath, enabling myself to have the strength to continue.

   Beside me, I felt somebody sit down next to me on the pavement. When I looked to my right, I saw a concerned looking young woman talking to someone to the other side of me. She then looked at me and smiled, even though it was clear she was still worried about me.
   “Are you okay?” she asked.
   I didn’t answer, at least not straight away. How could I? I honestly didn’t know if I was okay or not, nothing at the moment made any sense. And so, instead, I listened once more. My vision was starting to clear now that I wasn’t crying as much as I had been. Even the sounds surrounding me seemed to be less muffled now, maybe the symptoms were starting to clear up?
   Everything around me almost sounded as if I had suddenly placed inside a bubble. I could hear what was going on, but it was strange. Even though the people around me were next to me, it didn’t really feel or sound as if they were.

   My head still felt sore, and I realised that every few moments I would wince in pain as another wave hit. I couldn’t explain what had just happened, I didn’t even understand it myself. One thing was for sure, it had to do with whatever secret I had ‘heard’ from Jake. And that what was going on now was just a form of after effect.
   It didn’t make sense to me to rule out two out of the ordinary events, and not tie the two together as an explanation.
   “I think so,” I uttered in pain.
   “My name’s Rachel,” the woman said warmly. “And this is my partner James. We saw you fall from across the street, and wanted to make sure that you were alright. Are you ill or something? We can call you a taxi so you can get home?” she offered.
   “No, but thank you,” I replied. “I think I’m probably just coming down with something. I don’t know what happened, it came on all of a sudden.”
   “Would you like us to phone someone for you?” James asked. I looked at him and thought for a moment. Nobody immediately sprung to mind that I felt could really help, so I shook my head a little.
   Instead, I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes. A wave of relief rushed over me, and in that moment everything seemed to stop. My body relaxed as the urge to shake was soothed, and my head no longer hurt. The only thing that remained was the sensation of being in a cave or a bubble.
   I then looked at Rachel, and saw that she was discussing something to James once more, only I couldn’t hear his side of the conversation. Instead, I only heard hers. It was different though, it was more distorted and distant, like it had done with Jake’s.
   Taking a deep breath once more, I listened. This time I tried to brace myself for the effects that I knew were coming.
  ‘We’ve been trying for a baby for so long, and now that I’m pregnant I’m more worried than excited. I want to tell him when the time is right, I know I can’t hide it forever. We’ve been on such a long journey to get where we are though-and I’m scared. What will happen if I’m not a good mother? Jame’s mother barely even likes me as it is, if I start making mistakes with my child then things will only get worse.’

   I shook my head gently once more, and searched around for the two bags that I had been carrying. After finding them at Jame’s feet, I relaxed a little.
   “No, it’s okay-really,” I assured him. I knew the only way to properly sort my head out was to go home and lie down, and to do that I would have to lie.
   Biting my lip gently once more, I looked at each of them. James was looking at me with a slight frown, clearly trying to work out what I was thinking. Even though he didn’t immediately give away his uncertainty to me, I could see his soft brown eyes watching as I stood.
   Sure enough, when it was clear that I would need a little help, he took the steps needed to close the gap between us and supported me. I sighed in defeat, knowing what I was doing was reckless and not my wisest move. What else could I do though?

   James slid his arms away slowly, as he made sure that I was able to support myself on my own balance before removing his hand completely. His tall fame made it easy for me to lean on him as I needed, and it was obvious he wasn’t going to let me fall. That reassurance was heart warming to feel, and I was glad that Rachel had him in her life.
   He was quite tall and well dressed, even though he was wearing it in a way that would pass off as casual rather than formal. To me, I could tell from his nature that it suited his personality, and it didn’t matter that we barely knew each other.
   His light brown hair was parted in a way that easily showed off his soft brown eyes, which were partially hidden underneath his glasses. As soon as he noticed that I was looking at him, he smiled patiently, and then diverted his gaze to Rachel as he helped her stand too.
   “I think it’s passing now, whatever it was,” I smiled gently.
   “Are you sure?” Rachel insisted. “We can give you a lift-”
   “-No, no it’s okay,” I said reassuringly.
   I then turned to her once, realising then that we were roughly the same age. She nervously twirled a couple of strands of her long, golden hair around her finger and sighed in defeat as she let them fall.
   It was clear that her motherly instincts were already kicking in even now, which made it both easier and more complicated for me to leave. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable or uneasy about letting me leave, especially when I knew being by myself was the best way to come to terms with what was going on.
   “I don’t live too far away, it shouldn’t take me too long to get home.”
   I could tell that I hadn’t fully convinced her, but when I smiled at her, I was relieved to see that she returned the gesture all the same.

   Rachel’s deep blue eyes watched me carefully as I walked away, as they both made sure that I wouldn’t fall once more.
   Taking a deep breath, I focused on listening to the music playing through my ears instead, as I turned my music player back on. Upon hearing the notes and lyrics play through the headphones, I found that my mind was occupied again, and I started to make my way home.

   I decided not to tell Rachel that I potentially knew that she was pregnant for two reasons; the first was that James was right there beside her, and as far as I knew-didn’t know anything about it. Jumping in with the news that may not have been true, especially told by a complete stranger, would have sounded incredibly strange.
   The second reason, was the fact that I still wasn’t really sure if she was or not. I couldn’t count on anything any longer, especially when I didn’t understand exactly what was going on.

-

   I opened my front door, managing to cradle my head in my left arm as I carried the shopping with the other. I hadn’t been paying attention as I trudged back home, which was helped with the music as it enabled me to concentrate on my emotions. I was also able to try and figure out what was going on. The problem was, I knew that nothing would make any sense to me regardless of how much I tried. Nothing like that had ever happened to me in the past.
   Was I just imagining it? Maybe I had just guessed that Jake’s ex-girlfriend’s name was Gloria, and that she had hurt Jake in some way. Maybe, just maybe it was all in my head?

   Groaning, I stepped into my kitchen, and put all the food that I had purchased away. Then, I took a glass from the cupboard and walked over to the kitchen sink. The throbbing pain in my head was still continually growing to the extreme point it had done in the street, and I know I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on my drawings because of it.
   I also realised, that if I started shaking as I had done earlier, then even trying to sketch anything with a pencil would be out of the question. I sighed in defeat, it was only this morning that I felt like everything was normal. Stressful and frustrating of course, but no where near this complicated. I just couldn’t figure out why everything now had changed. Why was this happening?
   I placed the glass on the counter top next to the tap and covered my face with my palms, trying as I did to rid myself of the pain-but I quickly stopped. I was only aggravating it more, there was only one choice left, and it was one I always tried to avoid.

   Closing my eyes, I looked to the floor and opened them again slowly. It didn’t take long for me to notice that my muscles were starting to lose control once more. Other than taking pain killers, the only other option I seemed to have, was to simply sleep and hope that the symptoms would disappear when I woke up.
   I turned to face the sink properly once more, and filled the glass with water, then walked over to where the first aid cabinet was and searched for something that would help. The music was still playing in my ears, and as I walked over to my bedroom, I turned the volume down and sat on the edge of my bed.

   As I slid my phone out of my pocket, I briefly checked if I had any messages or calls, before placing it on the small table next to me. I then kicked off my shoes, swallowed one of the pills from the packet and hung my new coat on the hooks behind the door.
   All I could do then was to lie down properly, and hope as I closed my eyes that I would be able to get some sleep, and that things would be less complicated in the morning.